1 00:01:51,286 --> 00:01:54,949 Break's over. Back to the dance floor. It's swing time. 2 00:01:59,761 --> 00:02:03,253 What's cookin', Guy? 3 00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:06,733 Hey, you look like your wife just ran off with the mailman. 4 00:02:06,802 --> 00:02:09,896 I can't laugh, Shirl. I'm really upset. 5 00:02:09,972 --> 00:02:11,803 What is it? 6 00:02:11,873 --> 00:02:15,809 Break's over. You got a customer waitin'. 7 00:02:15,877 --> 00:02:17,845 Hey, that's not important. 8 00:02:17,913 --> 00:02:21,041 If I have to pick between business and people... 9 00:02:21,116 --> 00:02:22,583 it's people every time. 10 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,376 Shoot. 11 00:02:25,454 --> 00:02:28,446 It's about one of the employees. 12 00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:31,321 Oh, forget it. You go on to your customers. 13 00:02:31,393 --> 00:02:33,953 No, no, it's okay. Go ahead. 14 00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:38,398 This employee is a real sweetheart, but she can't keep her yap shut. 15 00:02:38,467 --> 00:02:42,198 She's so busy talking to the stupid customers about their stupid problems... 16 00:02:42,270 --> 00:02:44,204 it takes her forever to get to her next lesson. 17 00:02:44,272 --> 00:02:46,604 You want me to talk to her? 18 00:02:46,675 --> 00:02:49,405 I'm good with helping people with their problems. 19 00:02:49,478 --> 00:02:52,276 I've tried. It doesn't do any good. 20 00:02:52,347 --> 00:02:56,249 What more can I do? Tattoo "Time is money" on my forehead? 21 00:02:56,318 --> 00:03:00,948 Well, I hate to say this 'cause I see you care. 22 00:03:01,023 --> 00:03:03,753 Maybe you're just gonna have to let her go. 23 00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:08,659 Consider it effective immediately. 24 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,230 Me? 25 00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:15,201 You could've knocked me over with a feather. 26 00:03:15,270 --> 00:03:17,500 Boy, he really set you up. 27 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:20,700 I can't believe I actually recommended firing myself. 28 00:03:20,776 --> 00:03:23,973 Sometimes I dream about seeing Guy dropped on his head... 29 00:03:24,046 --> 00:03:25,980 from a tall building. 30 00:03:26,048 --> 00:03:28,573 Wait a second. I have to make a wish. 31 00:03:28,650 --> 00:03:32,347 Shirl, you got to do this every day? 32 00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:34,412 Do you have a coin? 33 00:03:34,489 --> 00:03:38,016 If I don't make my wish, somethin' bad's gonna happen. 34 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,527 It already happened. You got fired. 35 00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:44,156 That's just great, Shirl. 36 00:03:44,232 --> 00:03:46,427 What are we supposed to live on now? 37 00:03:46,501 --> 00:03:49,937 I thought you might try lookin' for a job again. 38 00:03:50,005 --> 00:03:51,768 In this stinkin' town? 39 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:55,833 There ain't no jobs in this town. I'm sick of lookin'. 40 00:03:55,911 --> 00:03:59,677 This might be a great time for us to move to Chicago. 41 00:03:59,748 --> 00:04:02,546 Pack our bags and head to the big city. 42 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:04,050 What do you say? 43 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,110 You want to pick up and leave everyone... 44 00:04:06,188 --> 00:04:08,315 leave all our friends. 45 00:04:08,390 --> 00:04:11,188 This town's dyin'. We're dyin' with it. 46 00:04:11,259 --> 00:04:13,750 You been out of work how long? Eight months, nine? 47 00:04:13,829 --> 00:04:17,094 I know you've looked hard, but it's like you've given up. 48 00:04:17,165 --> 00:04:19,963 Chicago, huh? 49 00:04:20,035 --> 00:04:22,469 What is so goddamn great about Chicago? 50 00:04:22,537 --> 00:04:26,473 What's so great about Chicago is that it's not Flat River. 51 00:04:26,541 --> 00:04:28,475 You can't even cook, Shirl. 52 00:04:28,543 --> 00:04:30,841 You can't even keep a half-assed job... 53 00:04:30,912 --> 00:04:33,472 pushing some old farts around the dance floor. 54 00:04:33,548 --> 00:04:36,745 Everything you do gets screwed up. 55 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,678 - Where you goin'? - Get a couple of beers. 56 00:04:40,756 --> 00:04:43,691 You got a whole six-pack left. 57 00:04:43,759 --> 00:04:46,159 I'm goin' out, Shirl. 58 00:04:46,228 --> 00:04:48,526 Steve, I'm leavin'. 59 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,898 I'm leavin', Steve! 60 00:04:51,967 --> 00:04:54,458 Go on then. 61 00:04:54,536 --> 00:04:56,834 What about us gettin' married? 62 00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:59,135 Ain't you been married enough? 63 00:04:59,207 --> 00:05:01,573 I'll see you when I get home. 64 00:05:01,643 --> 00:05:06,273 - I won't be here. - You wanna bet? 65 00:05:33,074 --> 00:05:36,066 I'm taking your bowling bag. 66 00:05:36,144 --> 00:05:40,080 It's been a long dark night 67 00:05:40,148 --> 00:05:44,881 And I been waitin' for morning 68 00:05:44,953 --> 00:05:48,821 It's been a long hard fight 69 00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:54,829 But I see a brand-new day a-dawnin' 70 00:05:54,896 --> 00:06:00,892 I been lookin' for the sunshine 71 00:06:00,969 --> 00:06:07,238 'Cause I ain't seen it in so long 72 00:06:07,309 --> 00:06:12,303 Everything's gonna work out just fine 73 00:06:12,380 --> 00:06:14,575 Everything's gonna be all right 74 00:06:14,649 --> 00:06:17,914 That's been all wrong 75 00:06:17,986 --> 00:06:23,788 'Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning 76 00:06:23,859 --> 00:06:29,991 I can see the light of a brand-new day 77 00:06:30,065 --> 00:06:36,903 I can see the light of a clear blue morning 78 00:06:36,972 --> 00:06:38,997 And everything's gonna be all right 79 00:06:39,074 --> 00:06:41,838 It's gonna be okay 80 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:49,341 It's been a long, long time 81 00:06:49,417 --> 00:06:54,184 Since I've known the taste of freedom 82 00:06:54,256 --> 00:06:57,851 And those clinging vines 83 00:06:57,926 --> 00:07:03,956 That had me bound Well, I don't need 'em 84 00:07:04,032 --> 00:07:09,595 'Cause I am strong and I can prove it 85 00:07:09,671 --> 00:07:16,201 And I got my dreams to see me through 86 00:07:16,278 --> 00:07:20,578 It's just a mountain I can move it 87 00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:27,316 And with faith and love there's nothing I can't do 88 00:07:27,389 --> 00:07:33,294 And I can see the light of a clear blue morning 89 00:07:33,361 --> 00:07:39,095 And I can see the light of a brand-new day 90 00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:39,711 I can see the light of a clear blue morning 91 00:07:39,735 --> 00:07:46,071 I can see the light of a clear blue morning 92 00:07:46,140 --> 00:07:48,074 And everything's gonna be all right 93 00:07:48,142 --> 00:07:52,203 It's gonna be okay 94 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:58,617 I can see the light, I can see the light 95 00:07:58,686 --> 00:08:03,214 I can see the light, I can see the light 96 00:08:06,828 --> 00:08:08,659 Oh! 97 00:08:12,467 --> 00:08:15,994 Oh, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot! 98 00:08:26,614 --> 00:08:28,673 Hey! 99 00:08:28,750 --> 00:08:30,411 Hey! 100 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:55,565 Ohh! 101 00:09:18,299 --> 00:09:19,630 I gotcha! 102 00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:23,896 Hold on! Hold on! 103 00:09:23,971 --> 00:09:27,566 Just give me your hand. Give me your hand. 104 00:09:27,642 --> 00:09:30,907 I gotcha. Don't look down. 105 00:09:30,978 --> 00:09:34,846 Put your foot there. 106 00:09:34,916 --> 00:09:38,352 Put your arm around me. Put your arm around my neck. 107 00:09:38,419 --> 00:09:40,387 Okay, ready? 108 00:09:41,422 --> 00:09:43,686 Don't look down. 109 00:09:44,592 --> 00:09:47,322 Are you okay? 110 00:09:47,395 --> 00:09:51,525 Are you nuts? Get away from me. You almost killed me. 111 00:09:51,599 --> 00:09:54,295 Wait a minute. I just saved your life. 112 00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:57,065 You could've killed me, and I lost my 20 bucks. 113 00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:59,868 You weren't trying to kill yourself? 114 00:09:59,941 --> 00:10:02,705 Why should I? You were gonna do it for me. 115 00:10:02,777 --> 00:10:06,611 - Then I guess I didn't save your life. - I'm sorry to disappoint you. 116 00:10:06,681 --> 00:10:10,447 Maybe somebody'll try to kill themselves tomorrow. 117 00:10:10,518 --> 00:10:13,043 Well, you don't have to get sarcastic about it. 118 00:10:13,121 --> 00:10:15,555 It's breakfast time. Check out the restaurants. 119 00:10:15,623 --> 00:10:19,423 You might find somebody not choking you can give the Heimlich maneuver to. 120 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:23,794 I took time off work to stop you from jumping off a bridge. 121 00:10:23,865 --> 00:10:26,390 It isn't my fault you weren't trying to jump. 122 00:10:26,467 --> 00:10:28,628 Okay, you were just tryin' to help. 123 00:10:28,703 --> 00:10:32,639 - Okay, here, here. Take this. - What are you doin'? 124 00:10:32,707 --> 00:10:35,403 If you're willing to risk your neck for $20... 125 00:10:35,476 --> 00:10:37,376 you need it more than I do. 126 00:10:37,445 --> 00:10:39,879 It shouldn't cost you money to do a good deed. 127 00:10:39,947 --> 00:10:43,644 But the next time you want to save somebody, make sure they need saving. 128 00:10:44,919 --> 00:10:48,082 Hey, lady, everybody needs saving. 129 00:11:15,082 --> 00:11:20,418 120, 140, 160, 180. 130 00:11:20,488 --> 00:11:25,050 - Doesn't leave me much for breakfast, does it? - I wouldn't know. 131 00:11:25,126 --> 00:11:28,220 Doesn't hurt your mouth to give a smile. 132 00:11:50,952 --> 00:11:53,648 Remember that city hall deficit scandal piece you did? 133 00:11:53,721 --> 00:11:55,985 That was a great story. 134 00:11:56,057 --> 00:11:59,493 And that convicted child molester who they hired... 135 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,551 to drive a school bus in Waukegan. 136 00:12:01,629 --> 00:12:04,530 They do background checks on new drivers based on that. 137 00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:07,159 - I don't have anything new for you, Milo. - Nothing? 138 00:12:07,235 --> 00:12:09,169 Nothing's panned out yet. 139 00:12:09,237 --> 00:12:13,469 - It's a big city, Jack. Find me something. - Don't I always? 140 00:12:13,541 --> 00:12:15,805 Remember, you're only as good... 141 00:12:15,877 --> 00:12:17,811 ...as your next story. 142 00:12:17,879 --> 00:12:20,211 Big city, Jack. 143 00:12:35,196 --> 00:12:37,187 Thanks, lady. 144 00:12:42,103 --> 00:12:45,971 Miss, I'll have that early bird special and coffee. 145 00:12:47,108 --> 00:12:50,805 One big spender, comin' up. 146 00:12:50,878 --> 00:12:52,971 That's one juice. 147 00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,450 Thank you. 148 00:12:57,718 --> 00:13:01,085 - Excuse me, would you pass me the sugar? - Sure. 149 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:05,091 - Oh, damn it to hell! - Oh, I'm sorry. 150 00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:06,649 I am so sorry. 151 00:13:06,727 --> 00:13:11,960 It's not the coffee. I am just so ticked off. 152 00:13:12,033 --> 00:13:14,695 You want to talk about it? 153 00:13:14,769 --> 00:13:19,570 Did you ever try dating a workaholic when their work's not going so great? 154 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,074 No, I never did date a workaholic. 155 00:13:22,143 --> 00:13:24,805 I sometimes wish I had, though. 156 00:13:24,879 --> 00:13:27,439 The guys I date don't work at all mostly. 157 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,449 Believe me, it's no picnic. 158 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:32,611 He makes dates, breaks them, stays at the office all night. 159 00:13:32,687 --> 00:13:36,885 Another woman I could fight, but how do you compete against a job? 160 00:13:36,957 --> 00:13:39,482 Where are you when he breaks these dates? 161 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,221 Waiting for him. 162 00:13:41,295 --> 00:13:44,321 - Maybe that's your problem. - What do you mean? 163 00:13:44,398 --> 00:13:47,526 Why should he hurry home if he knows you're there? 164 00:13:47,601 --> 00:13:51,059 He's taking you for granted. Get on with your life. 165 00:13:51,138 --> 00:13:54,505 If he wants you, you're busy. He'll come around or he won't. 166 00:13:54,575 --> 00:13:56,873 Either way you'll be livin', not waitin'. 167 00:13:59,647 --> 00:14:01,478 That makes sense. 168 00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:05,645 Sometimes you got to get out and honk your own horn. 169 00:14:06,921 --> 00:14:09,185 The early bird special. 170 00:14:10,591 --> 00:14:13,788 Boy, the bird part's right. 171 00:14:25,873 --> 00:14:29,536 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was an all-nighter, again. 172 00:14:29,610 --> 00:14:33,478 I didn't call 'cause I kept thinking I was gonna finish up. 173 00:14:33,547 --> 00:14:37,005 I didn't wanna wake you. I hope you didn't wait up. 174 00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:39,848 No, I didn't wait up. 175 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,946 Uh, as a matter of fact, I went out. 176 00:14:43,023 --> 00:14:46,356 Oh good, good. What do you mean "out"? 177 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:50,523 - I went out with a friend. - Good. Good. 178 00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,793 What do you mean, "a friend"? 179 00:14:52,867 --> 00:14:54,562 Why are you so suspicious? 180 00:14:54,635 --> 00:14:57,536 I don't question you about being at work. 181 00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:00,039 If I say I'm at work, I'm at work. 182 00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:02,598 I can vouch for his being at work. That's what he told me. 183 00:15:02,676 --> 00:15:04,268 Why would he lie to me? 184 00:15:04,345 --> 00:15:06,370 - Oh God! - You know each other? 185 00:15:06,447 --> 00:15:08,881 He tried to push me off a bridge this morning. 186 00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:11,349 I tried to stop you from jumping. 187 00:15:11,418 --> 00:15:14,046 - I was not tryin' to jump. - Excuse me. 188 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:17,284 - I'll make it up to you tonight. - I'm busy tonight. 189 00:15:17,358 --> 00:15:19,622 - Are you gonna eat that? - Go right ahead. 190 00:15:19,693 --> 00:15:22,253 How can you be busy tonight? 191 00:15:22,329 --> 00:15:25,025 - I made other plans, Jack. - What other plans? 192 00:15:25,099 --> 00:15:27,567 I want to go on with my life. 193 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,569 I want to live, not wait. 194 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:33,664 I'm going to honk my own horn for a change. 195 00:15:33,741 --> 00:15:36,039 What have you done with Janice? 196 00:15:36,110 --> 00:15:39,045 I didn't realize how much you'd been taking me for granted... 197 00:15:39,113 --> 00:15:41,081 until it was pointed out to me. 198 00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:44,049 What brilliant mind pointed that out? 199 00:15:44,118 --> 00:15:47,110 You want to wreck my entire day, lady? 200 00:15:47,188 --> 00:15:49,713 I don't want to get in the middle of this. 201 00:15:49,790 --> 00:15:53,123 - It's a little late. - This is not about her, this is about you. 202 00:15:53,194 --> 00:15:56,129 You wanna know what your problem is? You're at work. 203 00:15:56,197 --> 00:15:58,631 When you're not at work, you're brooding about work. 204 00:15:58,699 --> 00:16:01,133 So let me tell you where I'm gonna be. 205 00:16:01,202 --> 00:16:04,933 I am going to be out with someone that really values me. 206 00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:07,997 - This woman... - Shirlee. 207 00:16:08,075 --> 00:16:11,602 ...made me see that I can do a lot better. 208 00:16:11,679 --> 00:16:13,613 So long, Jack. 209 00:16:23,724 --> 00:16:25,658 Thank you... 210 00:16:25,726 --> 00:16:28,661 - Shirlee. - Shirlee. 211 00:16:28,729 --> 00:16:31,095 It's been a great thrill meeting you. 212 00:16:31,165 --> 00:16:34,032 I wish it were a little later in life... 213 00:16:34,101 --> 00:16:36,467 like on my deathbed. 214 00:16:51,018 --> 00:16:54,215 It's a dirty job but somebody's gotta do it 215 00:16:54,288 --> 00:16:57,382 Better get to it Somebody's gotta do it whatever it takes 216 00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,888 Shh! 217 00:17:03,130 --> 00:17:05,826 Any work at all is better than none 218 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:08,562 Better buckle down to it gotta get the job done 219 00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:10,900 Gotta earn my pay 220 00:17:10,971 --> 00:17:12,836 I gotta earn my pay 221 00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:16,570 Excuse me. I came to see about the job. 222 00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:21,103 I don't think so. 223 00:17:21,181 --> 00:17:24,446 Somebody's gotta do it, do it 224 00:17:24,518 --> 00:17:27,009 Somebody's gotta do it, do it 225 00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:29,578 Somebody 226 00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:32,922 I can think of better things I'd rather do 227 00:17:32,993 --> 00:17:35,689 I might get lucky and I'm hoping to 228 00:17:35,763 --> 00:17:40,860 But until I do I gotta compromise 229 00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:43,733 The job ain't much but at least it's mine 230 00:17:43,804 --> 00:17:46,238 It beats standing in the unemployment line 231 00:17:46,307 --> 00:17:50,573 Put pride aside and I improvise 232 00:17:50,644 --> 00:17:53,909 Even if I do get a better job 233 00:17:53,981 --> 00:17:57,280 Somebody else has got to fill my spot 234 00:17:57,351 --> 00:18:00,047 Somebody's gotta do it, do it 235 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,782 Somebody's gotta do it, do it 236 00:18:02,856 --> 00:18:05,416 Somebody's gotta do it, do it 237 00:18:05,492 --> 00:18:08,689 Somebody, somebody 238 00:18:08,762 --> 00:18:10,787 Somebody's gotta do it 239 00:18:10,864 --> 00:18:13,594 Somebody's gotta do it, yeah 240 00:18:13,667 --> 00:18:19,162 It's a funky job, it's a low-down dirty job 241 00:18:25,346 --> 00:18:28,543 Great, Angel. Now show us your tits. 242 00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:43,862 Even if the rules are too hard to follow 243 00:18:43,931 --> 00:18:46,695 Even when pride is too hard to swallow 244 00:18:46,767 --> 00:18:50,066 - It was a "dry" T-shirt contest. - You are funny, Bob. 245 00:18:50,137 --> 00:18:53,300 Bill, there's something really ugly crawling up your shirt. 246 00:18:53,374 --> 00:18:56,810 - That's my tie, Bob. - Sorry, Bill. 247 00:18:56,877 --> 00:19:00,677 It's time for the morning traffic. 248 00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:03,842 Today's morning traffic report brought to you by... 249 00:19:03,917 --> 00:19:07,216 Chateau J. Simpson, the wine that used to play football. 250 00:19:07,287 --> 00:19:10,916 W-N-D-Y. I'll put you right through. 251 00:19:10,991 --> 00:19:15,587 Okay, ice cream delivery, waitress, cocktail waitress... 252 00:19:15,662 --> 00:19:18,631 - bartender. - I was just workin' my way up. 253 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:21,167 Waitress, manicurist -- no reception work. 254 00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:26,331 - Hello, W-N-D-Y. - Not exactly, but I have a phone. 255 00:19:26,407 --> 00:19:29,672 I've answered phones. Who hasn't? 256 00:19:29,743 --> 00:19:33,201 I'd really like to hire you, but you need experience to work a VMX-2000. 257 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,942 Hello, W-N-D-Y. 258 00:19:36,016 --> 00:19:38,007 W-N-D-Y. Hold please. 259 00:19:38,085 --> 00:19:41,020 Hello, W-N-D-Y. Mr. Perlman. 260 00:19:41,088 --> 00:19:43,352 Yes, I'll put you right through. 261 00:19:43,424 --> 00:19:46,882 I may not be exactly what you're huntin' for... 262 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:50,794 but sometimes a dog runs the wrong squirrel up the right tree. 263 00:19:50,864 --> 00:19:52,456 Pardon me? 264 00:19:52,533 --> 00:19:56,264 It's something my daddy used to say. 265 00:19:56,336 --> 00:19:59,430 That's a good-lookin' man. Is that your husband? 266 00:19:59,506 --> 00:20:02,304 That's my soon-to-be ex-husband. 267 00:20:02,376 --> 00:20:04,537 Like a punch in the gut, huh? 268 00:20:04,611 --> 00:20:06,943 Girl, you don't know. 269 00:20:07,014 --> 00:20:10,074 Oh, I do know. Believe me, I do know. 270 00:20:10,150 --> 00:20:12,380 I agree. Stanford was a little dull. 271 00:20:12,453 --> 00:20:15,684 People fell asleep at the wheel listening to her. 272 00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,986 I made a slight error in judgment. 273 00:20:18,058 --> 00:20:21,926 If Stanford was a slight error, what was that last bozo you hired? 274 00:20:21,995 --> 00:20:24,225 I want someone with a PhD. 275 00:20:24,298 --> 00:20:27,290 The other stations get them and they're killing us in the ratings. 276 00:20:27,367 --> 00:20:30,825 People want to confide their problems to a doctor. 277 00:20:30,904 --> 00:20:34,806 So who did you hire to destroy my ratings now? 278 00:20:34,875 --> 00:20:38,242 This one's perfect. Her name's Dr. Kendall. 279 00:20:38,312 --> 00:20:41,748 Three cities were dying for her. I outbid 'em all. 280 00:20:41,815 --> 00:20:43,840 I interviewed her personally. 281 00:20:43,917 --> 00:20:47,182 - She's just what you wanted. - A doctor? 282 00:20:47,254 --> 00:20:50,553 A trained clinical psychologist. Three letters after her name. 283 00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:52,819 I don't want anyone too dry and technical. 284 00:20:52,893 --> 00:20:56,021 - She's willing to talk down to our audience. - Not talk down. 285 00:20:56,096 --> 00:20:58,030 Talk with. That's what I meant. 286 00:20:58,098 --> 00:21:01,659 She'd better be all you say she is for your sake, Alan. 287 00:21:01,735 --> 00:21:04,203 All right, let's go, go. 288 00:21:06,106 --> 00:21:06,149 You can ignore this row. It goes straight to the Stanford show. 289 00:21:06,173 --> 00:21:09,903 You can ignore this row. It goes straight to the Stanford show. 290 00:21:09,976 --> 00:21:11,705 - Stanford? - The call-in shrink. 291 00:21:11,778 --> 00:21:15,544 Actually, there's a new one coming in today. Name's Dr. Kendall. 292 00:21:15,615 --> 00:21:17,810 You gonna be all right? 293 00:21:17,884 --> 00:21:19,613 Yeah, I'm fine, thanks. 294 00:21:19,686 --> 00:21:23,520 W-N-D-Y. Hello, this is Shirlee. 295 00:21:23,589 --> 00:21:26,524 - You just put 'em on hold. - Oh, yeah. 296 00:21:26,592 --> 00:21:30,688 - Now you just cut 'em off. - That was a personal choice. 297 00:21:30,763 --> 00:21:34,130 - I'll be back real soon. - Okay. 298 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:38,102 W-N-D-Y. Hello, this is Shirlee. 299 00:21:38,171 --> 00:21:41,231 Can I put you through? I'm sure gonna try. 300 00:21:43,676 --> 00:21:46,611 Pet Corner. Do you have a question? 301 00:21:46,679 --> 00:21:50,376 - My bull terrier-- - We're only taking questions on reptiles. 302 00:21:50,450 --> 00:21:53,385 - Pet Corner. - Do snakes have nipples? 303 00:21:53,453 --> 00:21:55,148 Good question. 304 00:21:55,221 --> 00:21:59,885 - - W-N-D-Y. Please hold. W-N-D-Y. Please hold. 305 00:21:59,959 --> 00:22:04,191 W-N-D-Y. I know you've been holding and you should be grateful. 306 00:22:04,263 --> 00:22:06,731 Everybody else got cut off. 307 00:22:06,799 --> 00:22:11,202 Five minutes. 308 00:22:11,270 --> 00:22:14,296 - Yo. - Where's this new doc? 309 00:22:14,374 --> 00:22:18,310 - You got me. What if she doesn't show? - Play yesterday's news. 310 00:22:18,378 --> 00:22:21,006 Then a right and I'm in the coffee room. 311 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:24,572 - Got it. Thanks. - Oh, Shirlee. 312 00:22:24,650 --> 00:22:26,584 Oh! 313 00:22:29,489 --> 00:22:32,322 A three-car pileup has the left lane of Kennedy... 314 00:22:32,392 --> 00:22:34,622 snarling traffic in the O'Hare area. 315 00:22:34,694 --> 00:22:37,322 Traffic in the western suburbs is moving smoothly. 316 00:22:37,397 --> 00:22:40,662 Folks along Lake Shore Drive are battling construction... 317 00:22:40,733 --> 00:22:44,965 and a disabled vehicle, closing the right lane. 318 00:22:45,038 --> 00:22:48,235 Where's the coffee machine? Thanks. 319 00:22:48,307 --> 00:22:51,071 Temperatures are expected to top out in the mid-80s. 320 00:22:51,144 --> 00:22:53,738 Look for relief within the next couple of days. 321 00:22:53,813 --> 00:22:57,249 A high-pressure front is headed back east... 322 00:22:57,316 --> 00:23:02,481 bringing lower temperatures and a possibility of rain. 323 00:23:02,555 --> 00:23:06,047 In sports, the Cubbies win after going extra innings against the Pirates. 324 00:23:06,125 --> 00:23:11,028 A sacrifice fly by Andre Dawson homered in the winning run. 325 00:23:17,937 --> 00:23:19,598 This must be our girl. 326 00:23:19,672 --> 00:23:21,196 Kendall. Kendall? 327 00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:23,435 Kendall, behind you. Kendall. 328 00:23:23,509 --> 00:23:25,909 - Yes, hello. - It's Kenyon. 329 00:23:25,978 --> 00:23:29,414 - Shirlee Kenyon. - I'm sorry. I have Kendall. 330 00:23:29,482 --> 00:23:31,712 I ought to know my own name. 331 00:23:31,784 --> 00:23:34,685 You got any real cream? This stuff will kill you. 332 00:23:34,754 --> 00:23:37,018 I'm Tony de Santis, your producer. 333 00:23:37,090 --> 00:23:39,388 That's Gordon Sussman. He's the engineer. 334 00:23:39,459 --> 00:23:42,019 - Hi, Kendall. - Kenyon. 335 00:23:42,095 --> 00:23:44,586 - 20 seconds. - Nice meetin' ya. 336 00:23:44,664 --> 00:23:46,632 No time for jokes. 337 00:23:46,699 --> 00:23:50,157 The hold button says hold. The kill button's next to it. 338 00:23:50,236 --> 00:23:54,070 Kill button? I just came in for coffee. 339 00:23:54,140 --> 00:23:55,573 Put your headphones on. 340 00:23:55,641 --> 00:23:59,941 - You want me to go on the radio? - That's very funny. 341 00:24:00,012 --> 00:24:02,378 Hey now, my job description -- 342 00:24:02,448 --> 00:24:04,712 W-N-D-Y, Chicago radio... 343 00:24:04,784 --> 00:24:07,344 invites you to participate in a program... 344 00:24:07,420 --> 00:24:09,854 designed to help you find a more productive life. 345 00:24:09,922 --> 00:24:12,550 Talk radio is about sharing your concerns... 346 00:24:12,625 --> 00:24:14,957 and helping to find answers through creative solutions. 347 00:24:15,027 --> 00:24:19,487 And now, W-N-D-Y's Dr. Shirlee Kendall. 348 00:24:19,565 --> 00:24:21,499 Kenyon. 349 00:24:21,567 --> 00:24:24,058 Hello? Hello, Dr. Kendall? 350 00:24:24,137 --> 00:24:26,605 My son and my husband are fighting again -- 351 00:24:26,672 --> 00:24:29,106 Hang on. 352 00:24:29,175 --> 00:24:31,803 This was not in my job description. 353 00:24:31,878 --> 00:24:33,971 Hello, are you there? 354 00:24:34,046 --> 00:24:36,378 Last night, my son hit my husband. 355 00:24:36,449 --> 00:24:40,283 He's 18 and a bodybuilder. My son, not my husband. 356 00:24:40,353 --> 00:24:44,255 - Who is this? - This is Gladys from Northbrook. 357 00:24:44,323 --> 00:24:46,587 Do I know you? 358 00:24:46,659 --> 00:24:50,117 I tried calling before. 359 00:24:50,196 --> 00:24:52,630 - - The girl at lunchtime when I was up front. 360 00:24:52,698 --> 00:24:55,633 I must've cut you off. Lord, I'm sorry about that. 361 00:24:55,701 --> 00:24:58,101 It was crazy around here. 362 00:24:58,171 --> 00:25:01,402 Go ahead, Gladys. What happened then? 363 00:25:01,474 --> 00:25:03,567 Tell me everything. 364 00:25:03,643 --> 00:25:07,477 Oh, my gosh. That's just terrible. 365 00:25:07,547 --> 00:25:09,742 Maybe you could-- 366 00:25:09,815 --> 00:25:12,511 Gladys, I don't know what to say. 367 00:25:12,585 --> 00:25:14,883 Well, say something. God! 368 00:25:14,954 --> 00:25:17,889 That's one of the worst things I've ever heard. 369 00:25:17,957 --> 00:25:21,324 This is a doctor? I could be saying this stuff! 370 00:25:21,394 --> 00:25:25,330 This is Donald. I'm 50. My mother's in her 70s. 371 00:25:25,398 --> 00:25:29,596 She moved in with me and she still treats me like a child. 372 00:25:29,669 --> 00:25:32,433 She tells me what to do in my own home. 373 00:25:32,505 --> 00:25:34,439 She's just drivin' me crazy. 374 00:25:34,507 --> 00:25:37,943 Have her put to sleep. No, I'm just kiddin'. 375 00:25:38,010 --> 00:25:40,501 - She's your mother. - Okay, okay. 376 00:25:40,580 --> 00:25:42,548 Excuse me. Comin' through. 377 00:25:42,615 --> 00:25:45,345 One mama can take care of ten kids... 378 00:25:45,418 --> 00:25:48,717 but ten kids can't take care of one mama. 379 00:25:48,788 --> 00:25:50,881 Let's go! Let's go! 380 00:25:50,957 --> 00:25:53,391 You've stopped sleeping with your wife. 381 00:25:53,459 --> 00:25:57,691 - Isn't that what you're tryin' to say? - I guess it is, yes. 382 00:25:57,763 --> 00:26:01,631 - So who you foolin' around with? - It's not that at all. 383 00:26:01,701 --> 00:26:04,261 I just lost interest in her. 384 00:26:04,337 --> 00:26:06,931 Yeah, and who are you foolin' around with? 385 00:26:07,006 --> 00:26:09,201 A girl in my office. 386 00:26:09,275 --> 00:26:13,473 You got a wife, and you got a girlfriend in the office? 387 00:26:13,546 --> 00:26:16,344 Did you say your name was "Bud"or "Stud"? 388 00:26:16,415 --> 00:26:18,645 I'm sorry. 389 00:26:18,718 --> 00:26:22,745 You're livin' your life so crooked, you have to screw your socks on. 390 00:26:22,822 --> 00:26:25,814 Havin' an affair is like shootin' pool on two tables. 391 00:26:25,891 --> 00:26:29,486 You may have the balls, but you're gonna wear out your stick. 392 00:26:29,562 --> 00:26:32,463 What is going on over there? 393 00:26:32,531 --> 00:26:34,556 Hi, this is Tina. 394 00:26:34,634 --> 00:26:37,159 Tina, this is Shirlee. What's cookin'? 395 00:26:37,236 --> 00:26:42,640 The boss gave me notice. I was the hardest-working waitress in the place. 396 00:26:42,708 --> 00:26:45,233 He said I was messin' up too many orders. 397 00:26:45,311 --> 00:26:48,337 When I came home and told my husband Ken... 398 00:26:48,414 --> 00:26:51,383 he looked at me like I was somethin' horrible. 399 00:26:51,450 --> 00:26:56,945 And he said-- I don't think I can handle this on the radio. 400 00:26:57,023 --> 00:26:59,924 Take your time, Tina. I got no place to go. 401 00:26:59,992 --> 00:27:04,190 He said that I was a loser, that I couldn't hold a job... 402 00:27:04,263 --> 00:27:07,755 the house was always a mess... 403 00:27:07,833 --> 00:27:10,927 and if it weren't for him I couldn't make it. 404 00:27:11,003 --> 00:27:16,270 - He said all that to you? - Yes, he did. 405 00:27:16,342 --> 00:27:18,936 You sure? Sure you're sure. 406 00:27:19,011 --> 00:27:22,276 Tina, listen. I want you to march up to this guy. 407 00:27:22,348 --> 00:27:25,715 Tell him that you're doin' the very best you can. 408 00:27:25,785 --> 00:27:28,948 If he can't appreciate it, you're not gonna take this crap... 409 00:27:29,021 --> 00:27:32,252 that you can do just fine on your own, thank you... 410 00:27:32,325 --> 00:27:34,759 and that he's gonna be damn sorry. 411 00:27:34,827 --> 00:27:39,457 Then grab your bowling bag and get the hell out of there! 412 00:27:39,532 --> 00:27:41,762 Sometimes you gotta honk your own horn. 413 00:27:41,834 --> 00:27:44,234 If you don't, nobody's gonna know you're comin'. 414 00:27:44,303 --> 00:27:47,170 That's it. Wrap it up. Wrap it up. 415 00:27:47,239 --> 00:27:49,002 Say "bye." Bye-bye. 416 00:27:49,075 --> 00:27:51,305 Oh, say good-bye. 417 00:27:51,377 --> 00:27:54,346 It's been real nice spendin' this time with you. 418 00:27:54,413 --> 00:27:56,472 And like my daddy used to say... 419 00:27:56,549 --> 00:27:59,848 quickest way to forget your problems is to listen to somebody else's. 420 00:28:12,797 --> 00:28:15,231 Move that car! 421 00:28:18,236 --> 00:28:21,103 Oh, sorry. 422 00:28:21,172 --> 00:28:24,573 That was unbelievable. I have never seen anything like that. 423 00:28:24,643 --> 00:28:27,009 I didn't fall asleep once. 424 00:28:27,078 --> 00:28:30,639 That was the most horrifying... 425 00:28:30,715 --> 00:28:33,980 the worst display of, of, of-- 426 00:28:34,052 --> 00:28:35,986 Who are you? 427 00:28:36,054 --> 00:28:38,147 - Who is she? - Dr. Kenyon. 428 00:28:38,223 --> 00:28:40,783 - Who is Dr. Kenyon? - You just hired her. 429 00:28:40,859 --> 00:28:43,657 - I didn't hire her. I hired Dr. Kim ball. - Kendall. 430 00:28:43,728 --> 00:28:46,663 Kenyon. What's the difference? She's a natural. 431 00:28:46,731 --> 00:28:49,495 You don't talk. Maybe never again. 432 00:28:49,567 --> 00:28:52,866 I'm gonna make my way back to the switchboard. 433 00:28:52,938 --> 00:28:55,964 Walk past the switchboard and get your butt out of this building. 434 00:28:56,041 --> 00:28:59,704 This is not her fault. Your Dr. Kendall didn't show up. 435 00:28:59,778 --> 00:29:02,645 I thought Kenyon was Kendall and I put her on the air. 436 00:29:04,149 --> 00:29:07,141 Oh! Oh! 437 00:29:09,955 --> 00:29:12,947 I want to be absolutely fair about this. 438 00:29:13,024 --> 00:29:16,289 You're both fired! 439 00:29:21,933 --> 00:29:24,868 Yeah, I've got her leaving the building. 440 00:29:41,019 --> 00:29:44,182 Blue me 441 00:29:44,255 --> 00:29:48,851 Blue me 442 00:29:50,528 --> 00:29:53,190 Hello, Steve. It's me, Shirlee. 443 00:29:53,264 --> 00:29:57,030 I can't talk long. I ain't got much money. 444 00:29:58,770 --> 00:30:02,331 Well, I'm sorry you went bowling and didn't have your bowling bag. 445 00:30:02,407 --> 00:30:06,207 Don't you even want to know where I am? 446 00:30:06,277 --> 00:30:11,010 Well, if I was comin' back, I wouldn't forget your precious bowling bag. 447 00:30:11,082 --> 00:30:13,949 But I ain't comin' back 'cause I got this great job... 448 00:30:14,019 --> 00:30:15,953 and I'm startin' tomorrow. 449 00:30:16,021 --> 00:30:18,717 All my dreams are gonna come true. 450 00:30:18,790 --> 00:30:21,953 I'm blue 451 00:30:22,027 --> 00:30:25,861 I'm just as blue as can be 452 00:30:25,930 --> 00:30:27,898 Blue me 453 00:30:27,966 --> 00:30:30,730 Blue me 454 00:30:32,604 --> 00:30:36,631 - Hey, Kenyon. - I just checked out. Forwarding address unknown. 455 00:30:36,708 --> 00:30:41,236 Mr. Riegert from W-N-D-Y sent me to take you down to the station. 456 00:30:41,312 --> 00:30:43,678 - Shirlee Kenyon? - Uh-huh. 457 00:30:43,748 --> 00:30:46,182 Hey, look, I didn't want to be on the radio... 458 00:30:46,251 --> 00:30:48,913 but there's no law against it, is there? 459 00:30:48,987 --> 00:30:53,390 - I thought you were great. - You did? Who are you? 460 00:30:53,458 --> 00:30:56,586 Name's Casey. It will be my pleasure to drive you. 461 00:30:56,661 --> 00:31:00,119 That's very sweet of you, Casey, but I won't be needing the ride. 462 00:31:06,271 --> 00:31:08,831 Why don't you do us both a favor... 463 00:31:08,907 --> 00:31:11,205 and tell them I wasn't here. 464 00:31:11,276 --> 00:31:15,337 Please, Miss Kenyon. You don't want to get me in trouble, do you? 465 00:31:15,413 --> 00:31:18,211 - No. - Then let me do my job. 466 00:31:27,292 --> 00:31:31,023 Do you know what's happened since you left here yesterday? 467 00:31:31,096 --> 00:31:34,122 You hired someone else to answer the phone? 468 00:31:34,199 --> 00:31:37,862 We've received over 500 calls. 469 00:31:37,936 --> 00:31:39,904 I might've cut a few people off-- 470 00:31:39,971 --> 00:31:42,371 We've never seen anything like it. 471 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:46,342 They love you. They absolutely love you. 472 00:31:46,411 --> 00:31:48,379 Look at these. 473 00:31:51,082 --> 00:31:54,051 - That's right. - Are there any more? 474 00:31:54,119 --> 00:31:57,350 Yes, yes! Hundreds. 475 00:31:57,422 --> 00:31:59,356 Wow! 476 00:32:00,992 --> 00:32:05,793 - I am prepared to offer you your own program. - My own program? 477 00:32:05,864 --> 00:32:09,231 It's two hours a day, five days a week at -- What were we paying you? 478 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:13,134 - 250. - I'm prepared to double that. 479 00:32:13,204 --> 00:32:16,662 Double my salary and no reception work? 480 00:32:16,741 --> 00:32:19,209 No reception work. 481 00:32:22,413 --> 00:32:26,645 - Hey, wait a minute. This says Doctor Shirlee. - Right. 482 00:32:26,718 --> 00:32:29,551 The boss wants a doctor, so that's what you are. 483 00:32:29,621 --> 00:32:31,714 Sign it. It's not important. 484 00:32:31,789 --> 00:32:34,724 Of course it's important. It's not true. 485 00:32:36,060 --> 00:32:38,893 Okay, $800 a week. 486 00:32:38,963 --> 00:32:41,591 But it still says Doctor Shirlee. 487 00:32:41,666 --> 00:32:43,657 Listen, listen. 488 00:32:43,735 --> 00:32:46,636 Captain Kangaroo wasn't really a captain. 489 00:32:46,704 --> 00:32:48,695 He wasn't even a kangaroo. 490 00:32:48,773 --> 00:32:51,537 Besides, no one's ever going to know. 491 00:32:51,609 --> 00:32:54,578 I'm gonna come up with a first-rate bio for you. 492 00:32:54,646 --> 00:32:58,104 It's just gonna be between you and me and the lamppost. 493 00:32:58,183 --> 00:33:00,378 In fact, not even the lamppost. 494 00:33:01,953 --> 00:33:06,981 I just don't feel comfortable pretending to be something I'm not. 495 00:33:07,058 --> 00:33:09,891 If I thought I was doing a disservice to the public... 496 00:33:09,961 --> 00:33:12,862 I would be the first to say so. 497 00:33:12,931 --> 00:33:15,456 You already went on the air as a doctor. 498 00:33:15,533 --> 00:33:18,195 If you go on and say, "I'm not a doctor," 499 00:33:18,269 --> 00:33:20,260 what are your listeners gonna think? 500 00:33:20,338 --> 00:33:23,364 They're gonna think I'm not a doctor. 501 00:33:24,943 --> 00:33:29,403 Hey, you... you are a doctor... 502 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:31,414 of the heart. 503 00:33:31,482 --> 00:33:33,416 You're a doctor of the heart. 504 00:33:33,484 --> 00:33:35,543 You help people. 505 00:33:35,620 --> 00:33:37,884 Look at these telegrams. They love you. 506 00:33:37,956 --> 00:33:40,584 Are you gonna let these people down? 507 00:33:40,658 --> 00:33:43,786 Hmm? 508 00:33:46,231 --> 00:33:48,461 The man's a real ball buster. 509 00:33:48,533 --> 00:33:50,660 That's not a problem for me. 510 00:33:50,735 --> 00:33:52,760 He can be very difficult. 511 00:33:52,837 --> 00:33:56,773 Don't forget. It's doctor, doctor, doctor. 512 00:33:56,841 --> 00:34:00,572 - And also -- - Also wear clean underwear in case I get in a wreck. 513 00:34:00,645 --> 00:34:02,704 Gene, this is -- 514 00:34:02,780 --> 00:34:05,943 The woman that saved that damn shrink spot. 515 00:34:06,017 --> 00:34:08,451 Oh, you've got the real common touch. 516 00:34:08,519 --> 00:34:10,510 I like that, Kendall. 517 00:34:10,588 --> 00:34:12,988 Uh, Kenyon. My mistake. 518 00:34:13,057 --> 00:34:15,457 Uh, but there -- 519 00:34:15,526 --> 00:34:19,860 there is a question that I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you, Kenyon. 520 00:34:22,734 --> 00:34:26,329 Whatever it is, Mr. Perlman, you'll get a truthful answer. 521 00:34:26,404 --> 00:34:31,205 Then tell me, how did you get to be so darn pretty? 522 00:34:34,779 --> 00:34:38,215 I want to publicize the hell out of her. 523 00:34:38,283 --> 00:34:40,274 Ads, promos, billboards. 524 00:34:40,351 --> 00:34:44,583 Or maybe we should give Shirlee a little time to settle into it... 525 00:34:44,656 --> 00:34:46,487 and then build an audience. 526 00:34:46,557 --> 00:34:49,993 But that's how we build an audience, Alan. 527 00:34:50,061 --> 00:34:54,225 Why keep our biggest potential asset under wraps? 528 00:34:56,301 --> 00:34:58,579 You were fantastic in there. 529 00:34:58,603 --> 00:34:59,228 You were fantastic in there. 530 00:34:59,304 --> 00:35:03,798 You played him like a violin. You're my girl. 531 00:35:03,875 --> 00:35:08,778 I wish Steve could see me now. Boy, he'd eat his words. 532 00:35:08,846 --> 00:35:10,780 Steve's the ex-husband? 533 00:35:10,848 --> 00:35:13,146 No, Steve's the guy I was living with... 534 00:35:13,217 --> 00:35:15,481 after the last time me and Leland got divorced. 535 00:35:15,553 --> 00:35:18,784 The last time? How many times you been --? 536 00:35:18,856 --> 00:35:21,791 Three times. You've been married three times? 537 00:35:21,859 --> 00:35:25,158 - Yeah, but to the same guy. - Oh. 538 00:35:25,229 --> 00:35:28,824 He left, he came back. We got married, we got divorced. 539 00:35:28,900 --> 00:35:32,233 He got put in jail for shooting a ready-teller machine. 540 00:35:32,303 --> 00:35:34,703 We got divorced. It went on and on. 541 00:35:34,772 --> 00:35:37,366 It was such a mess. 542 00:35:47,518 --> 00:35:51,386 You tell no one anything about your past. 543 00:35:51,456 --> 00:35:54,254 Anything. I don't want you ever -- 544 00:35:54,325 --> 00:35:57,692 Don't talk about your past at all, to anyone. 545 00:35:57,762 --> 00:36:00,595 No interviews 'til I make up something right for you. 546 00:36:00,665 --> 00:36:03,964 - Okay? - Now wait a minute. 547 00:36:04,035 --> 00:36:06,697 I don't think I'm gonna feel comfortable... 548 00:36:06,771 --> 00:36:09,035 lyin' about who I am and where I'm from. 549 00:36:09,107 --> 00:36:11,166 You've got a lot to offer... 550 00:36:11,242 --> 00:36:15,008 and I would hate to see people miss out on it... 551 00:36:15,079 --> 00:36:19,379 because of a few little mistakes you might have made in your past. 552 00:36:19,450 --> 00:36:21,418 Let me handle your life. 553 00:36:21,486 --> 00:36:24,284 You just go out, live it. 554 00:36:27,258 --> 00:36:29,692 Ohh 555 00:36:32,797 --> 00:36:34,958 Gimme some straight talk, straight talk 556 00:36:35,032 --> 00:36:37,000 And hold the sugar please 557 00:36:37,068 --> 00:36:39,161 Straight talk, straight talk 558 00:36:39,237 --> 00:36:41,432 Sounds plenty sweet to me 559 00:36:41,506 --> 00:36:45,374 Don't talk to me in circles in some mumbo-jumbojive 560 00:36:45,443 --> 00:36:48,640 Gimme just straight talk, straight talk 561 00:36:48,713 --> 00:36:51,045 And we're gonna be all right 562 00:36:52,984 --> 00:36:54,918 Hi, this is Dr. Shirlee. 563 00:36:54,986 --> 00:36:57,750 What the announcement said, I really mean. 564 00:36:57,822 --> 00:37:00,882 I'm here to talk about your problems and concerns. 565 00:37:00,958 --> 00:37:02,949 Anything goes so let's not be shy... 566 00:37:03,027 --> 00:37:04,619 'cause you're among friends. 567 00:37:04,695 --> 00:37:07,926 Our first caller-- Oh, good grief. 568 00:37:07,999 --> 00:37:10,729 Look at me. 569 00:37:10,802 --> 00:37:13,066 What a mess! 570 00:37:13,137 --> 00:37:16,903 I wish this was on TV so you could see how messy I really am. 571 00:37:16,974 --> 00:37:20,410 I'm busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kickin' contest. 572 00:37:20,478 --> 00:37:23,914 Straight talk, straight talk 573 00:37:23,981 --> 00:37:26,575 So come on let's talk turkey 574 00:37:26,651 --> 00:37:30,052 Just straight and to the point about passions, about problems 575 00:37:30,121 --> 00:37:32,316 A bout noses out of joint 576 00:37:32,390 --> 00:37:35,655 Now I want you all to know I care 577 00:37:35,726 --> 00:37:37,921 And I do understand 578 00:37:37,995 --> 00:37:40,862 And hey thanks for lendin' me an ear out there in radio land 579 00:37:40,932 --> 00:37:43,730 No, Martha, it isn't fair, but life isn't fair. 580 00:37:43,801 --> 00:37:46,235 Even the Declaration of Independence... 581 00:37:46,304 --> 00:37:49,239 only guarantees life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. 582 00:37:49,307 --> 00:37:51,741 It doesn't say anything about fair. 583 00:37:51,809 --> 00:37:55,336 Doesn't even say you have a right to be happy, just to pursue it. 584 00:37:55,413 --> 00:37:58,780 But no one appreciates me and I try to be fair. 585 00:37:58,850 --> 00:38:02,183 Get down off the cross, honey. Somebody needs the wood. 586 00:38:04,322 --> 00:38:08,452 Straight talk, straight talk there's nothin' like the truth 587 00:38:08,526 --> 00:38:10,517 Just tell me all your troubles 588 00:38:10,595 --> 00:38:13,155 Pretend I'm Donahue 589 00:38:13,231 --> 00:38:15,426 So don't be shy 'cause we can talk 590 00:38:15,500 --> 00:38:19,197 - Is that for me? - It's all yours. 591 00:38:19,270 --> 00:38:21,670 I feel like Mary Kay! 592 00:38:21,739 --> 00:38:23,934 Hello, Shirlee here. 593 00:38:24,008 --> 00:38:27,273 Yeah, hi, Dr. Shirlee. 594 00:38:27,345 --> 00:38:30,906 Um, I think I'm falling in love with a girl at work. 595 00:38:30,982 --> 00:38:33,542 I don't know how to tell her. 596 00:38:39,257 --> 00:38:41,817 You little flirt. 597 00:38:41,893 --> 00:38:47,331 And now Nancy will continue our week-long series on talk radio psychologists. 598 00:38:47,398 --> 00:38:51,732 Talk radio psychology. Quick cash, instant breakfast, minute rice. 599 00:38:51,802 --> 00:38:54,737 The only thing that's getting slower are traffic and service. 600 00:38:54,805 --> 00:38:57,239 Who's your favorite talk radio personality? 601 00:38:57,308 --> 00:39:00,709 Dr. Shirlee! 602 00:39:00,778 --> 00:39:03,076 This is not news, in case anybody's interested. 603 00:39:03,147 --> 00:39:06,116 - You listen to talk radio? - Only Dr. Shirlee. 604 00:39:06,183 --> 00:39:09,482 The hottest new personality in Chicago radio is forthright... 605 00:39:09,554 --> 00:39:11,488 she's funny. 606 00:39:11,556 --> 00:39:15,515 Able to solve problems in 30 seconds and still leave time for commercials. 607 00:39:15,593 --> 00:39:19,256 Hey, pal, you wanna bag that? I like Dr. Shirlee. 608 00:39:19,330 --> 00:39:23,130 Okay, fine. Who the hell is Dr. Shirlee anyway? 609 00:39:24,702 --> 00:39:26,363 What's cooking with her? 610 00:39:26,437 --> 00:39:30,897 Although at this time Dr. Shirlee has refused all requests for an interview... 611 00:39:30,975 --> 00:39:35,878 we do have here in our studio W-N-D-Y program director Alan Riegert. 612 00:39:35,947 --> 00:39:38,541 Alan, who is Dr. Shirlee? 613 00:39:38,616 --> 00:39:40,584 Who is Dr. Shirlee? 614 00:39:40,651 --> 00:39:44,246 Dr. Shirlee is, and I don't think it's an exaggeration... 615 00:39:44,322 --> 00:39:49,658 the best thing that's happened to Chicago since deep-dish pizza. 616 00:39:49,727 --> 00:39:52,821 I think of her as my gift. 617 00:39:52,897 --> 00:39:56,890 I think of her as my gift to Chicago... 618 00:39:56,968 --> 00:40:00,131 which is the city I love. 619 00:40:00,204 --> 00:40:03,469 Milo, there's a story here. I know her personally. 620 00:40:03,541 --> 00:40:07,739 - She doesn't know I'm a reporter. - Doesn't sound like much. 621 00:40:07,812 --> 00:40:10,440 One day she's risking her neck for 20 bucks... 622 00:40:10,514 --> 00:40:13,574 and the next, she's Chicago's answer to Dr.Joyce Brothers. 623 00:40:13,651 --> 00:40:16,586 - It smells. - You're wasting your time. 624 00:40:17,655 --> 00:40:20,055 Don't count on it. 625 00:40:46,183 --> 00:40:49,846 Why are they holding a cocktail party at the aquarium? 626 00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:54,152 Rich people like to dress up and be seen in strange places. 627 00:40:54,225 --> 00:40:57,786 I feel like a kid dressed up in my mama's clothes. 628 00:40:59,330 --> 00:41:03,858 - I really don't feel like I belong here at all. - Ten minutes. 629 00:41:03,934 --> 00:41:06,869 Shake a hand, have a drink, save a whale. 630 00:41:06,937 --> 00:41:09,201 I'll be with you every second. 631 00:41:16,113 --> 00:41:19,879 Look at you. Look at you! 632 00:41:19,950 --> 00:41:22,544 I can't get over the transformation. 633 00:41:22,620 --> 00:41:26,716 You look like a million bucks. 634 00:41:26,791 --> 00:41:29,555 You make me very proud of myself tonight. 635 00:41:29,627 --> 00:41:31,754 You're my discovery. 636 00:41:31,829 --> 00:41:34,730 Alan, I am not the atom. 637 00:41:36,133 --> 00:41:38,567 - How much? - It's gratis. 638 00:41:38,636 --> 00:41:41,696 I didn't ask what it was. I asked how much. 639 00:41:41,772 --> 00:41:43,706 It's complimentary. 640 00:41:43,774 --> 00:41:46,902 And it's on the house, without charge, free. 641 00:41:46,977 --> 00:41:50,071 No kidding? Well, thank you. 642 00:41:52,116 --> 00:41:54,516 If you don't know what something means... 643 00:41:54,585 --> 00:41:57,315 pretend you do and follow my lead. 644 00:41:57,388 --> 00:42:00,482 You're supposed to be a college graduate. 645 00:42:06,897 --> 00:42:08,831 Excuse me. 646 00:42:10,901 --> 00:42:14,393 - Jack Russell, press. - Invitation? 647 00:42:14,472 --> 00:42:18,670 - Our society columnist is covering the shindig. - Mr. Sindell is already here. 648 00:42:18,743 --> 00:42:21,473 His wife went into labor. I'm relieving him. 649 00:42:21,545 --> 00:42:23,137 His wife is with him. 650 00:42:23,214 --> 00:42:25,808 His wife is hyperventilating in the back of a station wagon. 651 00:42:25,883 --> 00:42:28,613 An attractive temp from the typing pool is with him. 652 00:42:28,686 --> 00:42:33,453 - If you'd like to break the news -- - No, please go in. 653 00:42:33,524 --> 00:42:34,923 Thank you. 654 00:42:41,965 --> 00:42:45,731 - Thinkin' of jumpin' in? - Not unless you push me. 655 00:42:45,802 --> 00:42:49,738 So this is where you hang out when you're not dangling from bridges. 656 00:42:49,806 --> 00:42:51,967 Doesn't seem like your kind of party. 657 00:42:52,042 --> 00:42:55,205 I don't want to know what you think my kind of party is. 658 00:42:55,278 --> 00:42:57,212 Not the stuffed-shirt brigade. 659 00:42:57,280 --> 00:42:59,407 I don't know about you, but I'm bored. 660 00:42:59,482 --> 00:43:02,781 If you hate being here, why don't you go somewhere you'd rather be? 661 00:43:02,852 --> 00:43:06,447 I'd rather be with Janice, but thanks to you, Janice isn't around anymore. 662 00:43:06,523 --> 00:43:10,550 I want you to know I feel bad about what happened. 663 00:43:10,627 --> 00:43:13,755 No, don't. You had me pegged right. 664 00:43:13,830 --> 00:43:16,264 My record relationship is 17 weeks. 665 00:43:16,333 --> 00:43:19,700 When you consider it takes longer than that to grow a good-looking lawn... 666 00:43:19,769 --> 00:43:21,737 it isn't much of a record. 667 00:43:21,805 --> 00:43:26,037 - But you keep doing the same thing over and over. - I guess so. 668 00:43:26,109 --> 00:43:28,543 If a guy keeps wrecking his car every six months... 669 00:43:28,611 --> 00:43:32,741 you'd begin to wonder about his driving, wouldn't you? 670 00:43:32,816 --> 00:43:36,946 You're one of those guys that always has to hold a part of himself back... 671 00:43:37,020 --> 00:43:40,547 always keeping that one cookie in the cookie jar. 672 00:43:40,623 --> 00:43:42,818 Would you like a little free advice? 673 00:43:42,892 --> 00:43:45,326 It's like you're allergic to cornflakes... 674 00:43:45,395 --> 00:43:49,331 so you start to buy stuff, like a can of peas. 675 00:43:49,399 --> 00:43:52,334 You open the can and inside... cornflakes. 676 00:43:52,402 --> 00:43:55,428 So you pick a TV dinner and... 677 00:43:55,505 --> 00:43:57,166 cornflakes. 678 00:43:57,240 --> 00:43:58,764 What does that mean? 679 00:43:58,842 --> 00:44:02,505 The girls you go out with, outside they're all different packages. 680 00:44:02,579 --> 00:44:04,012 Inside... 681 00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,243 Cornflakes. 682 00:44:07,317 --> 00:44:09,251 So... 683 00:44:09,319 --> 00:44:12,550 - so what do I do? - Over here. 684 00:44:12,622 --> 00:44:17,184 I have to get out of here. It was nice to see you again. 685 00:44:17,260 --> 00:44:19,228 Hey, wait a minute! 686 00:44:21,698 --> 00:44:23,632 Hey, wait a minute. 687 00:44:23,700 --> 00:44:27,932 You tell me my life is cornflakes and cookies, and then you walk away? 688 00:44:28,004 --> 00:44:30,529 - Who are you? - I'm Dr. Shirlee. 689 00:44:30,607 --> 00:44:33,633 You're a doctor, huh? What kind of doctor? 690 00:44:33,710 --> 00:44:36,178 I'm a doctor of the heart. 691 00:44:36,246 --> 00:44:38,806 Dr. Shirlee. You're the radio shrink. 692 00:44:38,882 --> 00:44:43,251 I had no idea Janice was getting advice from a pro. 693 00:44:43,319 --> 00:44:46,584 Dr. Shirlee, wow. So, uh, oh -- 694 00:44:46,656 --> 00:44:48,590 Um, uh... thanks. 695 00:44:48,658 --> 00:44:51,684 So what do I do? 696 00:44:51,761 --> 00:44:55,094 Maybe you should try datin' a different kind of woman... 697 00:44:55,165 --> 00:44:59,067 someone whose insides look better than their outsides. 698 00:44:59,135 --> 00:45:01,968 Someone whose name begins with "S" and ends with "E"? 699 00:45:02,038 --> 00:45:05,906 - If you know someone named Sylvie. - No. 700 00:45:05,975 --> 00:45:08,944 - I know a guy named Shane. - Ask him out. 701 00:45:09,012 --> 00:45:11,503 I'd rather ask you out. Friday night. 702 00:45:11,581 --> 00:45:13,913 - It's a date. - It is? 703 00:45:29,866 --> 00:45:32,300 Excuse me. Moritz, hi. 704 00:45:32,368 --> 00:45:34,393 Nice to see you, Jack. 705 00:45:34,471 --> 00:45:39,602 I'll do the best I can, but it's gonna be a half-hour wait. 706 00:45:39,676 --> 00:45:43,476 - Do you think maybe -- - Dr. Shirlee. Well, well, well. 707 00:45:43,546 --> 00:45:45,980 We're honored to have you here. 708 00:45:46,049 --> 00:45:49,212 We have a beautiful table for you, right this way. 709 00:45:53,022 --> 00:45:55,047 Medium rare and very well done. 710 00:45:55,124 --> 00:45:57,058 Thank you. 711 00:45:57,126 --> 00:46:00,357 - So you're not from Chicago? - No, I'm not from Chicago. 712 00:46:00,430 --> 00:46:02,898 Compliments of the house. 713 00:46:02,966 --> 00:46:06,561 - Is it gratis tonight? - It is for you, Dr. Shirlee. 714 00:46:06,636 --> 00:46:09,104 Just for me? How come? 715 00:46:09,172 --> 00:46:11,732 Well, because -- 716 00:46:11,808 --> 00:46:13,969 because you're Dr. Shirlee. 717 00:46:14,043 --> 00:46:17,444 That's real nice, but it doesn't seem fair... 718 00:46:17,514 --> 00:46:20,449 for these other people who are not Dr. Shirlee to be penalized. 719 00:46:20,517 --> 00:46:24,749 I'll pay for a bottle of this champagne for every table. 720 00:46:24,821 --> 00:46:28,154 This is very expensive champagne. 721 00:46:28,224 --> 00:46:30,590 Money's meant to be spent, right? 722 00:46:30,660 --> 00:46:35,154 What good's it gonna do in the bottom of my panty drawer? 723 00:46:36,966 --> 00:46:39,434 It's $200 a bottle. 724 00:46:39,502 --> 00:46:42,938 Bad idea. Just forget it. 725 00:46:43,006 --> 00:46:45,839 - Thank you. - You're welcome, sir. 726 00:46:45,909 --> 00:46:47,934 That's more than I used to make in a week. 727 00:46:48,011 --> 00:46:51,503 - I thought shrinks were rich. - Are they? 728 00:46:51,581 --> 00:46:55,312 Not all of them, at least not at first. 729 00:46:55,385 --> 00:46:57,876 Why would you keep your money in a drawer? 730 00:46:57,954 --> 00:47:00,479 Aren't you afraid somebody's gonna steal it? 731 00:47:00,557 --> 00:47:05,017 I figure it's safer in my room than in a bank these days. 732 00:47:05,094 --> 00:47:07,619 If somebody's gonna steal it... 733 00:47:07,697 --> 00:47:10,097 I'd rather it goes to somebody that needs it... 734 00:47:10,166 --> 00:47:12,964 than some vice-president of a savings and loan. 735 00:47:14,904 --> 00:47:16,872 What? 736 00:47:16,940 --> 00:47:19,966 I just... love the way you look at things. 737 00:47:20,043 --> 00:47:22,375 You're really interested in me, aren't you? 738 00:47:22,445 --> 00:47:24,572 - Yes, I am. - That's great. 739 00:47:24,647 --> 00:47:27,878 Most men just want to talk about themselves. 740 00:47:27,951 --> 00:47:31,819 I want to know everything. How did you lose your virginity? 741 00:47:35,592 --> 00:47:39,688 You don't want to start with "Where you from, how long you been in town"? 742 00:47:39,762 --> 00:47:44,222 If you want. Where you from? How long you been in town? 743 00:47:46,402 --> 00:47:50,270 - Under the bleachers. - You're from under the bleachers? 744 00:47:50,340 --> 00:47:53,434 No, that's where I lost my virginity. 745 00:47:53,509 --> 00:47:57,377 Our high school had just lost the state championship... 746 00:47:57,447 --> 00:48:01,474 and my boyfriend, he was the tight end... 747 00:48:01,551 --> 00:48:04,952 and it was the only way I could make him feel better. 748 00:48:06,889 --> 00:48:09,289 Who did you lose it to? 749 00:48:09,359 --> 00:48:12,055 - My virginity? - The state championship. 750 00:48:12,128 --> 00:48:15,757 - To the Lamont Lions. - Mmm. 751 00:48:15,832 --> 00:48:19,791 How about you? How'd you lose yours? 752 00:48:20,870 --> 00:48:22,929 How's my star? 753 00:48:23,006 --> 00:48:25,167 I thought I saw you sitting over here. 754 00:48:25,241 --> 00:48:27,505 I'm not interrupting anything, am I? 755 00:48:27,577 --> 00:48:31,138 Alan, this is my friend Jack. Jack, this is Alan, my boss. 756 00:48:31,214 --> 00:48:33,876 I don't think of myself as just your boss. 757 00:48:33,950 --> 00:48:36,919 I prefer to think of myself as a friend and mentor. 758 00:48:36,986 --> 00:48:39,079 I discovered Shirlee. 759 00:48:39,155 --> 00:48:41,089 You make her sound like penicillin. 760 00:48:41,157 --> 00:48:43,785 Funny guy. 761 00:48:43,860 --> 00:48:46,454 Zim Zimmerman's sitting over there. 762 00:48:46,529 --> 00:48:48,690 I'm gonna get you on his show. 763 00:48:48,765 --> 00:48:51,461 Come over and win a few points for us. 764 00:48:51,534 --> 00:48:53,968 I thought I wasn't supposed to give interviews. 765 00:48:54,037 --> 00:48:57,234 - Yeah, I thought she wasn't supposed to give interviews. - How do you know? 766 00:48:57,306 --> 00:49:01,072 I just heard her say so. 767 00:49:01,144 --> 00:49:03,374 Excuse us. 768 00:49:03,446 --> 00:49:07,644 Listen, I told Zim you'd be a great guest. 769 00:49:07,717 --> 00:49:10,777 I sort of went out on a limb for you on this. 770 00:49:10,853 --> 00:49:14,482 Don't saw it out from underneath me please. 771 00:49:27,302 --> 00:49:29,896 Well, this is where I live. 772 00:49:29,972 --> 00:49:34,306 You are full of surprises. 773 00:49:34,376 --> 00:49:38,073 - I had a great time. - So did I. 774 00:49:38,147 --> 00:49:40,672 In fact, I'm having way too much fun. 775 00:49:40,749 --> 00:49:43,217 What's wrong with that? It's good, isn't it? 776 00:49:43,285 --> 00:49:45,753 Not for me, Jack. 777 00:49:45,821 --> 00:49:48,688 I have a bad track record with men. 778 00:49:48,757 --> 00:49:52,284 I find men that want to change me, hurt me, use me... 779 00:49:52,361 --> 00:49:54,795 never just love me. 780 00:49:57,032 --> 00:50:01,696 But what the heck. Records are made to be broken, right? 781 00:50:19,555 --> 00:50:21,147 We're ready, Dr. Kenyon. 782 00:50:21,223 --> 00:50:24,386 Oh, God. Okay, here we go. 783 00:50:24,460 --> 00:50:26,428 Now remember... 784 00:50:26,495 --> 00:50:29,191 undergraduate work, University of Georgia. 785 00:50:29,264 --> 00:50:31,391 Graduate studies, you went to Stanford. 786 00:50:31,467 --> 00:50:34,664 - You were tops in your class. - I am not sayin' all that. 787 00:50:34,736 --> 00:50:36,727 I'm not gonna lie. 788 00:50:36,805 --> 00:50:39,638 You want to say you're qualified to hand out advice... 789 00:50:39,708 --> 00:50:43,144 based on being a three-time loser dance instructor... 790 00:50:43,212 --> 00:50:46,545 who's never even been near a college? 791 00:50:46,615 --> 00:50:49,049 Okay, you're nervous. I see that now. 792 00:50:49,117 --> 00:50:51,517 I went over all the questions with him. 793 00:50:51,587 --> 00:50:55,683 The only way to get in trouble is if you deviate from the responses I've given you... 794 00:50:55,757 --> 00:50:59,716 or he puts down his clipboard, which means he'll ask you something we didn't discuss. 795 00:50:59,795 --> 00:51:02,195 But he assured me he's not gonna do that. 796 00:51:02,264 --> 00:51:04,755 Which leads me to the following, Dr. Shirlee. 797 00:51:04,833 --> 00:51:06,926 You're aware of the furor... 798 00:51:07,002 --> 00:51:09,197 You bastard! You lyin' bastard! 799 00:51:09,271 --> 00:51:13,264 - He said he wasn't gonna do that! - We're working here! 800 00:51:13,342 --> 00:51:16,038 What do you mean? 801 00:51:16,111 --> 00:51:18,978 Specifically, how it denigrates a profession... 802 00:51:19,047 --> 00:51:21,777 exploits it for its commercial ends. 803 00:51:21,850 --> 00:51:24,045 Is that what you think? 804 00:51:24,119 --> 00:51:25,984 Have you listened to my program? 805 00:51:26,054 --> 00:51:30,150 Of course I have, but we're not discussing my opinions here. 806 00:51:30,225 --> 00:51:32,989 Why not? It's your show. 807 00:51:33,061 --> 00:51:35,495 Let's be straight. 808 00:51:35,564 --> 00:51:37,930 The people you deal with are total strangers. 809 00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:41,026 You have little or no knowledge of their history... 810 00:51:41,103 --> 00:51:44,266 and yet you try and solve their problems in less than five minutes. 811 00:51:44,339 --> 00:51:48,799 Don't you worry that to give advice with so little information... 812 00:51:48,877 --> 00:51:51,107 can have serious repercussions? 813 00:51:51,179 --> 00:51:53,409 People just give me a holler. 814 00:51:53,482 --> 00:51:56,417 I tell 'em what I think and hope it helps. 815 00:51:56,485 --> 00:51:59,818 I don't know all the answers. Do you, Zim? 816 00:51:59,888 --> 00:52:01,515 Don't you think you can hurt? 817 00:52:01,590 --> 00:52:04,184 Don't you worry that you may give advice... 818 00:52:04,259 --> 00:52:06,250 without enough knowledge of the person -- 819 00:52:06,328 --> 00:52:09,695 I just tell the truth as I see it. 820 00:52:09,765 --> 00:52:12,893 To my knowledge, the truth has never caused any damage. 821 00:52:12,968 --> 00:52:15,163 Pain sometimes, but not damage. 822 00:52:15,237 --> 00:52:17,535 Very nice. 823 00:52:17,606 --> 00:52:19,540 Very nice. 824 00:52:19,608 --> 00:52:22,805 - Shut him up or get him out of here. - Sorry. 825 00:52:26,982 --> 00:52:29,644 Let's welcome my special guest... 826 00:52:29,718 --> 00:52:33,552 renowned radio psychiatrist Dr. David Erdman. 827 00:52:35,857 --> 00:52:38,758 Welcome, Dr. Erdman. 828 00:52:38,827 --> 00:52:41,227 Oh shit! Oh shit! 829 00:52:41,296 --> 00:52:43,355 I'm glad to have a second opinion. 830 00:52:45,434 --> 00:52:47,493 Let's start with... 831 00:52:47,569 --> 00:52:51,335 what are you looking for in a caller, Dr. Erdman? 832 00:52:51,406 --> 00:52:55,433 I like a caller that fits my listeners' demographic profile. 833 00:52:55,510 --> 00:52:58,172 I like healthy callers with healthy problems. 834 00:52:58,246 --> 00:53:01,044 If their questions happen to tie in with a tape I'm promoting... 835 00:53:01,116 --> 00:53:02,981 so much the better. 836 00:53:03,051 --> 00:53:05,713 No, seriously. 837 00:53:05,787 --> 00:53:08,585 I'm here to help anyone in my listening audience... 838 00:53:08,657 --> 00:53:12,184 who wants to come to a deeper understanding of themselves. 839 00:53:12,260 --> 00:53:14,888 - Dr. Shirlee. - What am I looking for in a caller? 840 00:53:14,963 --> 00:53:19,764 - I'm looking for someone that needs help. - And? 841 00:53:19,835 --> 00:53:22,963 And they have to eat Froot Loops for breakfast. 842 00:53:23,038 --> 00:53:26,633 And what? Someone with a problem. Isn't that enough? 843 00:53:29,177 --> 00:53:33,079 Let's proceed with what I feel is the most interesting part of the program. 844 00:53:33,148 --> 00:53:34,172 Uh-oh. 845 00:53:34,249 --> 00:53:36,240 We have a caller who has a problem. 846 00:53:36,318 --> 00:53:39,617 We're gonna ask each of our doctors to respond to that problem... 847 00:53:39,688 --> 00:53:41,952 in order to let you see... 848 00:53:42,024 --> 00:53:44,288 the different approaches to radio psychology. 849 00:53:44,359 --> 00:53:46,520 Oh! 850 00:53:46,595 --> 00:53:48,563 Hi, you're on the air. 851 00:53:48,630 --> 00:53:51,064 - Can you hear me? - Loud and clear, Joan. 852 00:53:51,133 --> 00:53:55,069 This is Joan. She's 48. She has a marital problem. 853 00:53:55,137 --> 00:53:57,298 Please doctors, in the interest of brevity... 854 00:53:57,372 --> 00:53:59,567 keep your responses to Joan's problem... 855 00:53:59,641 --> 00:54:02,667 down to a minute. Go ahead, Joan. 856 00:54:02,744 --> 00:54:05,975 My husband's been having an affair for a year... 857 00:54:06,048 --> 00:54:09,142 and I found out about it about six months ago. 858 00:54:09,217 --> 00:54:11,879 I asked him to stop, but he won't. 859 00:54:11,953 --> 00:54:14,080 I wrote a letter to the woman he's seeing... 860 00:54:14,156 --> 00:54:17,148 and asked her not to see him, but she showed it to him. 861 00:54:17,225 --> 00:54:20,456 Hey, will you get outta there? What is he doing? 862 00:54:20,529 --> 00:54:25,489 I'm so filled with anger toward him, I don't know what I'm gonna do. 863 00:54:25,567 --> 00:54:27,660 - Dr. Erdman. - Hold that shot. 864 00:54:27,736 --> 00:54:32,196 - Joan, do you want a divorce? - No. 865 00:54:32,274 --> 00:54:35,710 Then I suggest that you let sleeping dogs lie. 866 00:54:35,777 --> 00:54:38,211 - What! - You'll have your turn. 867 00:54:38,280 --> 00:54:41,545 Joan, you do not hate your husband for doing this. You hate yourself. 868 00:54:41,616 --> 00:54:43,846 Give me one. 869 00:54:43,919 --> 00:54:46,217 If you felt better about yourself... 870 00:54:46,288 --> 00:54:49,257 maybe your husband would want to be with you. 871 00:54:49,324 --> 00:54:51,656 It's her fault her husband's cheatin'? 872 00:54:51,727 --> 00:54:54,059 I'm simply suggesting that she look to herself. 873 00:54:54,129 --> 00:54:56,256 Maybe she's too demanding in bed. 874 00:54:56,331 --> 00:54:58,925 You talk to your callers like that? 875 00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:04,199 You should be disbarred or derailed or whatever they do to doctors. 876 00:55:04,272 --> 00:55:05,864 Derailed? 877 00:55:05,941 --> 00:55:08,876 Where did you receive your training, Doctor? 878 00:55:08,944 --> 00:55:12,471 - Where did I receive my training? - Yes. 879 00:55:12,547 --> 00:55:16,881 I'm a graduate of Harvard, postgraduate studies at the Sorbonne. Where did you train? 880 00:55:16,952 --> 00:55:19,682 Where did I train? I trained at Screw U. 881 00:55:21,690 --> 00:55:26,150 You know who came up with the expression "Let sleeping dogs lie"? 882 00:55:26,228 --> 00:55:27,661 A dog. 883 00:55:29,531 --> 00:55:32,523 And, Joan, honey, you are not going to change him. 884 00:55:32,601 --> 00:55:34,865 You gotta live with it or end it. 885 00:55:34,936 --> 00:55:39,305 Tinkle or get off the potty. Either way, you'll start to like yourself again. 886 00:55:40,942 --> 00:55:44,400 Oh, yes, yes, yes! Oh, Shirlee! 887 00:55:47,716 --> 00:55:50,708 We love you! 888 00:55:50,786 --> 00:55:54,415 She was so good! Oh, God! 889 00:55:54,489 --> 00:55:58,687 - You guys are great! - We'll be right back. 890 00:55:58,760 --> 00:56:01,160 This show is fantastic! 891 00:56:03,865 --> 00:56:07,130 This is great. 892 00:56:07,201 --> 00:56:10,227 She blew both of those guys away. When can I get the story? 893 00:56:10,304 --> 00:56:13,239 - So now you think it's a story. - It's a story. 894 00:56:13,307 --> 00:56:16,401 - How much have you got on her? - Almost enough. 895 00:56:16,477 --> 00:56:18,809 Get on it. 896 00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:20,973 Nail her and fast, huh? 897 00:56:26,587 --> 00:56:29,147 Shirlee, what's the matter? Where you going? 898 00:56:29,223 --> 00:56:32,681 Let's go back inside. We didn't say good night to Zim. 899 00:56:32,760 --> 00:56:34,921 Alan, I'm tired. I want to go. 900 00:56:34,996 --> 00:56:36,930 - You're the pink Mercedes. - No, I'm not. 901 00:56:36,998 --> 00:56:39,398 No, I'm Shirlee Kenyon. I drive a pink Mercedes. 902 00:56:43,771 --> 00:56:46,262 - I'm depressed. - Oh, come on! 903 00:56:46,340 --> 00:56:48,865 What are you talking about? You should be on cloud nine. 904 00:56:48,943 --> 00:56:50,877 You just buried those two clowns in there. 905 00:56:50,945 --> 00:56:53,812 That's great, but all this "doctor" stuff... 906 00:56:53,881 --> 00:56:57,977 and what Zim said about what if somethin' happened? 907 00:56:58,052 --> 00:57:01,146 Let's face it. I'm not trained. 908 00:57:01,222 --> 00:57:04,316 Maybe Dr. Erdman is a jerk... 909 00:57:04,392 --> 00:57:07,520 - but at least he's been to school. - Dr. Erdman! 910 00:57:07,595 --> 00:57:10,928 Dr. Erdman knows about as much as you do. 911 00:57:10,998 --> 00:57:15,230 I ought a know. He was my shrink for five years and look how sick I am! 912 00:57:15,303 --> 00:57:17,999 Oh, come on, Shirlee, lighten up! 913 00:57:18,072 --> 00:57:20,199 I'm not a doctor. 914 00:57:20,274 --> 00:57:23,038 And I'm certainly not my Mercedes... 915 00:57:23,111 --> 00:57:25,545 so who am I? 916 00:57:33,321 --> 00:57:35,721 I'm a Cadillac. 917 00:57:37,825 --> 00:57:41,761 Dr. Shirlee, we have Sean on the line. He's a sober alcoholic. 918 00:57:41,829 --> 00:57:44,627 Shirlee, thanks for taking my call. 919 00:57:44,699 --> 00:57:47,793 I've been sober for two years and my wife is an alcoholic. 920 00:57:47,869 --> 00:57:50,064 I don't know what to do. 921 00:57:50,138 --> 00:57:53,301 If I stay around her I could drink again and she doesn't want to quit. 922 00:57:53,374 --> 00:57:56,104 You got kids, Sean, or is it just the two of you? 923 00:57:56,177 --> 00:57:58,509 It's just us. 924 00:57:58,579 --> 00:58:02,811 In that case, tell her you can't be with her if she's drinkin'. 925 00:58:02,884 --> 00:58:05,216 If she loves you enough, she'll try to quit. 926 00:58:05,286 --> 00:58:09,017 If she doesn't, you have to love yourself enough to walk away. 927 00:58:09,090 --> 00:58:11,115 Like my daddy always said... 928 00:58:11,192 --> 00:58:13,319 a bird and a fish can fall in love... 929 00:58:13,394 --> 00:58:15,794 but where do they make a home? 930 00:58:15,863 --> 00:58:17,888 I saw that! 931 00:58:17,965 --> 00:58:21,025 My helper is makin' faces at my choice of words. 932 00:58:21,102 --> 00:58:23,969 But what I'm sayin' is true. Sometimes the only way... 933 00:58:24,038 --> 00:58:28,065 you can get somebody to change their bad habits is to leave 'em. 934 00:58:28,142 --> 00:58:31,600 And if they don't, at least one of you's gotten out alive. 935 00:58:36,484 --> 00:58:38,577 What's cookin', Gene? 936 00:58:38,653 --> 00:58:41,247 You made quite an impression last night, Shirlee... 937 00:58:41,322 --> 00:58:43,586 and not just on Zim Zimmerman. 938 00:58:43,658 --> 00:58:46,718 Mr. Perlman, sometimes my mouth just runs off... 939 00:58:46,794 --> 00:58:48,989 without checkin' with my brain first. 940 00:58:49,063 --> 00:58:53,625 - I didn't mean to offend him. - No! 941 00:58:53,701 --> 00:58:56,431 No, Shirlee. A good impression. 942 00:58:56,504 --> 00:58:58,404 The network called this morning. 943 00:58:58,472 --> 00:59:00,463 They want to take you national. 944 00:59:00,541 --> 00:59:03,908 Promotional tours, ad campaigns, the works! 945 00:59:03,978 --> 00:59:07,414 Listeners calling Dr. Shirlee from coast-to-coast. 946 00:59:07,481 --> 00:59:09,881 - How many people's that? - Millions! 947 00:59:09,951 --> 00:59:13,045 - Millions? - You've got work, Alan. 948 00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:15,850 I want a photo layout. "People" magazine. 949 00:59:15,923 --> 00:59:18,585 "Chicago's favorite doctor at home." 950 00:59:18,659 --> 00:59:21,719 At home? I don't think -- 951 00:59:21,796 --> 00:59:24,390 Don't think, Alan. Do it! Do it! 952 00:59:24,465 --> 00:59:27,059 Spotlight's on it's shining bright 953 00:59:27,134 --> 00:59:29,864 And I like standing in it 954 00:59:29,937 --> 00:59:33,168 It's only superficial light 955 00:59:33,241 --> 00:59:35,607 We'll take it just the way it is. 956 00:59:35,676 --> 00:59:38,941 - Alan, I don't need a place this fancy. - Really? 957 00:59:39,013 --> 00:59:41,641 Maybe we should get Avedon to do a photo shoot of you... 958 00:59:41,716 --> 00:59:45,015 at the Hotel Roosevelt, at home. 959 00:59:45,086 --> 00:59:48,954 I want to claim as mine 960 00:59:49,023 --> 00:59:55,622 Fancy clothes, a magic coach and happy ever after 961 00:59:55,696 --> 00:59:57,891 - Like something from a storybook - Get over there. 962 00:59:57,965 --> 01:00:00,798 - A Cinderella chapter - She's coming over. 963 01:00:00,868 --> 01:00:03,530 But when the clock strikes midnight 964 01:00:03,604 --> 01:00:06,767 And I lie awake in bed 965 01:00:06,841 --> 01:00:09,708 These lines the teacher told me 966 01:00:09,777 --> 01:00:13,406 Keep running through my head 967 01:00:13,481 --> 01:00:16,848 You gotta walk the straight and narrow 968 01:00:16,918 --> 01:00:20,081 And to thine own self be true 969 01:00:20,154 --> 01:00:22,679 You gotta aim straight as an arrow 970 01:00:22,757 --> 01:00:26,659 A ll eyes are upon you 971 01:00:26,727 --> 01:00:32,495 But sometimes it feels so good that I can almost justify 972 01:00:32,566 --> 01:00:35,433 Living a l-l-lie 973 01:00:35,503 --> 01:00:38,336 Living a lie 974 01:00:38,406 --> 01:00:42,308 Living a l-l-lie 975 01:00:44,378 --> 01:00:47,006 Living a lie 976 01:00:56,857 --> 01:01:00,623 Shirlee Kenyon? Hey, Steve, do we know a Shirlee Kenyon? 977 01:01:00,695 --> 01:01:04,187 Yeah. Who wants to know? 978 01:01:04,265 --> 01:01:06,460 This guy down here. 979 01:01:06,534 --> 01:01:08,502 How well do you know her? 980 01:01:08,569 --> 01:01:12,130 I know her well. I know her very, very well. 981 01:01:12,206 --> 01:01:15,607 Huh. How did you meet her? 982 01:01:17,211 --> 01:01:19,577 How did I meet who? 983 01:01:21,716 --> 01:01:23,684 Shirlee Kenyon. 984 01:01:26,253 --> 01:01:29,313 Well, my best friend married her three times. 985 01:01:29,390 --> 01:01:34,054 When he got done marrying her, she moved in with me... 986 01:01:34,128 --> 01:01:38,155 and I didn't even have to marry her once. 987 01:01:38,232 --> 01:01:41,497 - She married the same guy three times. - Yeah. 988 01:01:41,569 --> 01:01:46,063 - Why are you asking all these questions? - Credit check. 989 01:01:46,140 --> 01:01:49,303 What'd you say your name was? 990 01:01:50,411 --> 01:01:52,641 - Mack. - Listen, Mack. 991 01:01:57,351 --> 01:01:59,911 Do you give credit... 992 01:01:59,987 --> 01:02:03,388 to people who steal other people's bowling bags? 993 01:02:09,296 --> 01:02:12,493 And I sacrificed my honor 994 01:02:12,566 --> 01:02:15,034 My values and my pride 995 01:02:15,102 --> 01:02:19,402 Living a l-l-lie 996 01:02:22,643 --> 01:02:26,010 You don't by any chance dance, do you? 997 01:02:26,080 --> 01:02:29,641 Living a lie Living a lie 998 01:02:29,717 --> 01:02:33,483 Living a lie 999 01:02:33,554 --> 01:02:36,785 Ow! Watch what you're doin', Jack. 1000 01:02:36,857 --> 01:02:40,418 Just look at me and stop thinkin' about your feet. 1001 01:02:40,494 --> 01:02:42,928 - Where'd you learn all this? - I used to teach. 1002 01:02:42,997 --> 01:02:45,261 - Oh, when? - A long time ago. 1003 01:02:45,332 --> 01:02:47,527 - Where was that? - What? 1004 01:02:47,601 --> 01:02:50,399 - Where? - It was before I became a doctor. 1005 01:02:50,471 --> 01:02:53,963 - Loosen up, Jack. Just relax. - Ohh! 1006 01:02:54,041 --> 01:02:57,067 - Did I ever tell you about my novel? - No! Did you write a novel? 1007 01:02:57,144 --> 01:02:59,078 I had an idea for a novel. 1008 01:02:59,146 --> 01:03:01,842 I started talking about this book I was gonna write. 1009 01:03:01,916 --> 01:03:06,478 The guys at the office would say, "Jack, you started that book yet?" 1010 01:03:06,554 --> 01:03:10,957 One day I got so sick of saying "no," I said "yes." 1011 01:03:11,025 --> 01:03:15,052 Then it was, "Jack, how's the book coming?" "It's coming along." 1012 01:03:15,129 --> 01:03:19,156 Then, "Have you finished that book yet?" 1013 01:03:19,233 --> 01:03:22,930 One day I just said, "Yes, it's finished." 1014 01:03:23,003 --> 01:03:26,234 Funny thing was, I hadn't started it yet. 1015 01:03:26,307 --> 01:03:30,641 - I didn't mean to lie. It just happened. - What are you tryin' to do? 1016 01:03:30,711 --> 01:03:33,544 What are you tryin' to do? 1017 01:03:33,614 --> 01:03:37,345 The fox-trot, rock step? What? 1018 01:03:37,418 --> 01:03:41,286 - I'm just trying to dance. - Well, just watch me! 1019 01:03:43,657 --> 01:03:46,285 Rock step, step. Rock step, step. 1020 01:03:46,360 --> 01:03:48,590 Move those hips. Move those hips! 1021 01:03:48,662 --> 01:03:52,860 Looking good. Mmm! Ha! 1022 01:03:57,338 --> 01:04:00,307 I guess nothing like that ever happened to you, huh? 1023 01:04:00,374 --> 01:04:05,277 - Like happened to me with the book? - Jack, shut up and dance. 1024 01:04:36,177 --> 01:04:39,271 Outside! Ball three. 1025 01:04:39,346 --> 01:04:40,904 Nice shot. 1026 01:04:40,981 --> 01:04:44,610 The coach is walking to the mound, not looking good for the doctor. 1027 01:04:44,685 --> 01:04:47,347 It may be a long trip back to the bullpen. 1028 01:04:47,421 --> 01:04:51,517 - Put your index finger here. Thumb on the outside. - Okay. 1029 01:04:51,592 --> 01:04:54,755 She's winding up. The form is looking good. 1030 01:04:57,331 --> 01:05:00,858 A little high and outside again. Try again. 1031 01:05:03,737 --> 01:05:07,571 If you ever do write that novel, what's it gonna be about? 1032 01:05:07,641 --> 01:05:10,235 - That was truly pitiful. - Why, thank you. 1033 01:05:10,311 --> 01:05:14,645 I don't know. Despair? Greed? Corruption? All my favorite things. 1034 01:05:14,715 --> 01:05:18,879 Why don't you write about somethin' you love instead of something you hate? 1035 01:05:18,953 --> 01:05:20,887 - Like what? - Like baseball. 1036 01:05:20,955 --> 01:05:23,685 Write a book about baseball. 1037 01:05:23,757 --> 01:05:26,817 Just what the world needs, another baseball novel. 1038 01:05:26,894 --> 01:05:30,591 Sure they do... if it's great. 1039 01:05:30,664 --> 01:05:33,497 And I bet if you wrote it, it would be. 1040 01:05:33,567 --> 01:05:36,661 I love when you talk sweet to me. 1041 01:05:36,737 --> 01:05:40,298 - You haven't even heard sweet yet. - How long do I have to wait? 1042 01:05:40,374 --> 01:05:44,640 - Oh, we're gettin' closer. - Hey, guys? 1043 01:05:44,712 --> 01:05:46,805 Oops. Game called on account of cops. 1044 01:05:46,880 --> 01:05:50,976 It's late... and this ain't no ballpark. 1045 01:05:51,051 --> 01:05:53,178 Can I see some I.D. please? 1046 01:05:53,254 --> 01:05:55,950 - We'll take a rain check, Jack. - I'll pray for rain. 1047 01:05:56,023 --> 01:05:58,685 - I.D! - Thank you, Officer... 1048 01:05:58,759 --> 01:06:02,422 for keeping Chicago safe from flying lemons. 1049 01:06:02,496 --> 01:06:03,340 Whoop. 1050 01:06:03,364 --> 01:06:04,364 Whoop. 1051 01:06:05,199 --> 01:06:07,190 "Shirlee Kenyon." 1052 01:06:07,267 --> 01:06:09,235 Dr. Shirlee Kenyon? 1053 01:06:09,303 --> 01:06:12,329 It'll work out, Phil. You call me. 1054 01:06:12,406 --> 01:06:14,567 I will. Thanks! 1055 01:06:14,641 --> 01:06:17,940 Okay. Good night. 1056 01:06:18,012 --> 01:06:20,446 Sorry. Phil's daughter, Carol... 1057 01:06:20,514 --> 01:06:24,541 - ran away twice in the last month. - Good for her. 1058 01:06:31,625 --> 01:06:34,594 You wanna come up and check out my carpet samples? 1059 01:06:35,662 --> 01:06:38,529 Is that a line? 1060 01:06:38,599 --> 01:06:41,693 Dusty rose, Christmas green, or elephant gray? 1061 01:06:43,604 --> 01:06:45,162 Nah! 1062 01:06:45,239 --> 01:06:47,867 - We'll forget about the elephant gray. - Great apartment. 1063 01:06:47,941 --> 01:06:49,841 Oh, thanks. 1064 01:06:49,910 --> 01:06:52,708 I was worried about takin' it, paying all this rent and all. 1065 01:06:52,780 --> 01:06:56,147 But Alan says my job's pretty secure. 1066 01:06:56,216 --> 01:06:59,276 It really is great. The money, the car, this apartment. 1067 01:06:59,353 --> 01:07:02,049 But if my audience gets tired of me... 1068 01:07:02,122 --> 01:07:04,454 I don't think losin' it would just kill me. 1069 01:07:06,527 --> 01:07:08,586 So... 1070 01:07:08,662 --> 01:07:12,098 what do we decide? The Dusty rose or the Christmas green? 1071 01:07:25,779 --> 01:07:28,247 Carpet samples turn you on. 1072 01:07:28,315 --> 01:07:31,807 I tried everything else. 1073 01:07:38,225 --> 01:07:41,786 You probably think you just heard the doorbell. Trust me, you're hallucinating. 1074 01:07:41,862 --> 01:07:45,889 See, most women, right after they kiss me, tell me they hear a doorbell... 1075 01:07:45,966 --> 01:07:48,400 followed by the faint scent of orchids. 1076 01:07:48,469 --> 01:07:52,405 - Do you smell the orchids yet? - No. 1077 01:07:52,473 --> 01:07:55,965 Just the pungent aroma of bullshit. 1078 01:07:56,043 --> 01:07:59,535 Wait, wait! No one with any class shows up unannounced. 1079 01:07:59,613 --> 01:08:02,081 - Ignore it. - What if it's "The Millionaire"? 1080 01:08:02,149 --> 01:08:04,743 Did you ever see that show where Michael Anthony... 1081 01:08:04,818 --> 01:08:07,685 shows up with a million dollars from John Beresford Tipton? 1082 01:08:07,754 --> 01:08:11,315 But there's a catch. You have to answer the door. 1083 01:08:11,391 --> 01:08:14,292 - Wait, wait, wait. - Oh, Jack. 1084 01:08:14,361 --> 01:08:18,525 - You're a great kisser... but a million dollars? - You got a point. 1085 01:08:18,599 --> 01:08:21,500 Stay puckered. 1086 01:08:21,568 --> 01:08:24,867 Coming, Mr. Anthony. 1087 01:08:27,074 --> 01:08:28,871 Hello, baby. 1088 01:08:28,942 --> 01:08:32,241 Surprised to see me? 1089 01:08:34,148 --> 01:08:38,676 Wow, you're doin' very well. 1090 01:08:38,752 --> 01:08:40,686 Very, very well. 1091 01:08:40,754 --> 01:08:42,722 Steve, what are you doin' here? 1092 01:08:42,789 --> 01:08:47,817 I heard you made out, so I thought I'd come by and see for myself. 1093 01:08:47,895 --> 01:08:51,262 Went by that radio station and told 'em I was... 1094 01:08:51,331 --> 01:08:55,597 your long-lost brother home from the Navy just dying to surpr-- 1095 01:08:55,669 --> 01:08:58,695 Who the hell is this? 1096 01:08:58,772 --> 01:09:01,536 - I'll leave you two alone. - No, you don't. 1097 01:09:01,608 --> 01:09:04,406 - Jack, this is Steve. Steve, Jack. - How you doin'? 1098 01:09:04,478 --> 01:09:08,608 - Don't I know you? - No! No, I don't think so. 1099 01:09:08,682 --> 01:09:11,014 You never been to Arkansas? 1100 01:09:11,084 --> 01:09:15,020 - We better do this another time. - Do what another time? 1101 01:09:15,088 --> 01:09:17,386 It's none of your business. 1102 01:09:20,294 --> 01:09:22,228 I don't like your attitude. 1103 01:09:22,296 --> 01:09:25,959 That's a big word for you, attitude. 1104 01:09:26,033 --> 01:09:29,332 Why don't you just give your mouth a rest? 1105 01:09:29,403 --> 01:09:32,099 Damn you, Steve! 1106 01:09:32,172 --> 01:09:35,266 Want me to throw him out? 'Cause I'll do it. Ow. 1107 01:09:35,342 --> 01:09:38,106 - I don't like you. - Oh, really? Too bad. 1108 01:09:38,178 --> 01:09:42,046 - I was gonna ask if you want to spend Thanksgiving together. - Steve, get out! 1109 01:09:42,115 --> 01:09:44,811 I don't know why you're here... 1110 01:09:44,885 --> 01:09:48,912 or what you think, but you can forget it, it's over! 1111 01:09:48,989 --> 01:09:52,720 Well, maybe yes and maybe no. But it'll keep. 1112 01:09:52,793 --> 01:09:54,818 I know you. 1113 01:09:54,895 --> 01:09:58,888 I can't put my finger on it, but believe me, it'll come to me. 1114 01:09:58,966 --> 01:10:00,490 Tell Shirlee... 1115 01:10:00,567 --> 01:10:03,730 I like the Dusty rose. 1116 01:10:06,873 --> 01:10:09,273 Wait a minute! 1117 01:10:09,343 --> 01:10:12,176 I do owe you something! 1118 01:10:21,221 --> 01:10:23,849 - Ow. - Head back, head back. 1119 01:10:23,924 --> 01:10:27,018 - I was gonna kick his ass. - I know. 1120 01:10:27,094 --> 01:10:31,155 Except I'm really more of a lover than a fighter. 1121 01:10:31,231 --> 01:10:34,826 I can see that. 1122 01:10:40,340 --> 01:10:43,173 Ow, ow! Now see? Ow, ow. 1123 01:10:43,243 --> 01:10:46,440 - Maybe we better make it another time. - Yeah, maybe. 1124 01:10:49,516 --> 01:10:53,350 On the other hand -- 1125 01:10:53,420 --> 01:10:56,878 We can... work around it. 1126 01:11:10,137 --> 01:11:13,300 - Want to come in? - Before I do... 1127 01:11:13,373 --> 01:11:16,467 there's something I should tell you. 1128 01:11:16,543 --> 01:11:18,340 You're gay? 1129 01:11:18,412 --> 01:11:20,346 No. 1130 01:11:21,948 --> 01:11:24,473 - Married? - No. 1131 01:11:24,551 --> 01:11:26,883 Will it spoil the mood? 1132 01:11:26,953 --> 01:11:29,012 It might. 1133 01:11:29,089 --> 01:11:31,387 Will it keep? 1134 01:11:33,760 --> 01:11:35,819 Yes. 1135 01:12:10,864 --> 01:12:16,097 - Holy moley! - Is that all you can say? 1136 01:12:16,169 --> 01:12:19,468 Ho-ly moley! 1137 01:12:27,681 --> 01:12:30,081 Holy moley! 1138 01:12:30,150 --> 01:12:32,846 Yeah. Yeah. 1139 01:12:43,930 --> 01:12:47,957 "If I died tomorrow, I'd go with a smile. 1140 01:12:48,034 --> 01:12:51,094 Meet me at our coffee shop at noon." 1141 01:12:52,973 --> 01:12:55,601 Couldn't wait 'til noon? 1142 01:12:58,845 --> 01:13:01,075 I just remembered where I saw that guy. 1143 01:13:02,516 --> 01:13:04,507 I told him it'd come to me. 1144 01:13:04,584 --> 01:13:06,779 Milo? 1145 01:13:06,853 --> 01:13:09,378 Milo, you wanna see me? 1146 01:13:09,456 --> 01:13:13,415 We're putting the weekend edition to bed. Where's my story? 1147 01:13:13,493 --> 01:13:16,462 - There is no story. - What do you mean, there's no story? 1148 01:13:16,530 --> 01:13:19,363 Okay, there is a story, but I'm not writing it. 1149 01:13:19,432 --> 01:13:21,400 Are you going funny on me? 1150 01:13:21,468 --> 01:13:26,371 - Milo, I'm sorry. I just can't do it. - You know what I think? 1151 01:13:26,439 --> 01:13:30,705 I think maybe you like this Dr. Shirlee a little too much to tell the truth. 1152 01:13:30,777 --> 01:13:33,746 Is that it? Let me tell you something. 1153 01:13:33,814 --> 01:13:37,716 A real reporter is somebody who maybe cries when he writes the story... 1154 01:13:37,784 --> 01:13:41,618 but he writes the story because the public deserves to know. 1155 01:13:41,688 --> 01:13:43,679 What? What do they deserve to know? 1156 01:13:43,757 --> 01:13:46,248 Every stupid fact that comes a reporter's way? 1157 01:13:46,326 --> 01:13:49,056 Maybe sometimes the thing to do is keep your mouth shut. 1158 01:13:49,129 --> 01:13:52,792 Some facts don't matter to anyone except the person you're telling them about. 1159 01:13:52,866 --> 01:13:54,993 Don't pull this on me. 1160 01:13:55,068 --> 01:13:57,901 What do you think? I'm going to admire your backbone? 1161 01:13:57,971 --> 01:14:00,496 You think I'm gonna respect you for standing up to me? 1162 01:14:00,574 --> 01:14:03,099 Let me tell you something. I hate backbone! 1163 01:14:03,176 --> 01:14:05,906 I despise people who stand up to me. 1164 01:14:05,979 --> 01:14:08,948 - Please, don't make me fire you. - You won't have to fire me. 1165 01:14:09,015 --> 01:14:12,746 - Thanks. I'm glad. - You won't have to fire me... 1166 01:14:13,854 --> 01:14:16,482 because I quit. 1167 01:14:17,958 --> 01:14:21,155 Three's about done, another fifteen minutes. 1168 01:14:25,632 --> 01:14:29,159 - Hey, hey! - What were you doin' in Flat River? 1169 01:14:29,236 --> 01:14:33,070 - And why were you askin' questions about me? - Flat River? 1170 01:14:33,139 --> 01:14:35,539 You talked to Steve. He told me. 1171 01:14:35,609 --> 01:14:38,169 Give me a chance to explain. Let's talk about it. 1172 01:14:38,245 --> 01:14:41,806 - All I want is an answer. - It's not that simple. 1173 01:14:41,881 --> 01:14:45,612 - You're a reporter. You were doin' a story on me. - No. 1174 01:14:45,685 --> 01:14:49,143 Yes... I was but I'm not. 1175 01:14:49,222 --> 01:14:52,089 That's why you wanted to spend time with me? Be with me? 1176 01:14:52,158 --> 01:14:55,355 So you could get the dirt on me? I thought you were different. 1177 01:14:55,428 --> 01:14:58,591 - I thought my luck had finally changed. - Wait a minute, Shirl. 1178 01:14:58,665 --> 01:15:02,431 - You don't understand. - You did a good job, Jack. 1179 01:15:02,502 --> 01:15:04,527 They say you shouldn't take your work to bed. 1180 01:15:04,604 --> 01:15:09,007 - In this case, I guess they were wrong. - Man! 1181 01:15:09,075 --> 01:15:10,508 Shirlee! 1182 01:15:10,577 --> 01:15:14,138 I didn't write the story, okay? I quit my job over it. 1183 01:15:14,214 --> 01:15:17,081 - Why should I believe anything you say? - It's the truth. 1184 01:15:17,150 --> 01:15:19,778 - Don't talk to me about the truth. - Don't talk to you? 1185 01:15:19,853 --> 01:15:22,822 - Why? Because you are such an expert? - You lied to me. 1186 01:15:22,889 --> 01:15:24,889 - You lied to the whole world. - It's not the same. 1187 01:15:24,924 --> 01:15:27,859 I hate to burst your bubble... 1188 01:15:27,927 --> 01:15:31,522 - but of course it is the same. - Good-bye, Jack. 1189 01:15:31,598 --> 01:15:35,125 - Now what are you gonna do? - I never said I was too good to take a bus. 1190 01:15:35,201 --> 01:15:38,432 Okay, Shirlee, it all started, yes... 1191 01:15:38,505 --> 01:15:40,973 because I wanted to get a story on you. 1192 01:15:41,041 --> 01:15:43,942 Then I began to care and... 1193 01:15:44,010 --> 01:15:47,502 Geez, Louise! God, you can be so pigheaded! 1194 01:15:47,580 --> 01:15:49,309 Look. 1195 01:15:49,382 --> 01:15:51,976 No! Shirlee! 1196 01:16:22,315 --> 01:16:26,081 Burning to know you 1197 01:16:26,152 --> 01:16:29,815 Burning to show you 1198 01:16:29,889 --> 01:16:36,988 And I've felt this way from the start 1199 01:16:37,063 --> 01:16:40,157 Burning with passion 1200 01:16:40,233 --> 01:16:44,897 I thought it was lasting 1201 01:16:44,971 --> 01:16:50,705 Now it's burning a hole in my heart 1202 01:16:50,777 --> 01:16:55,476 Here's Dr. Shirlee arriving to her very first coast-to-coast broadcast. 1203 01:16:55,548 --> 01:16:58,574 A small but enthusiastic group of fans has been waiting patiently... 1204 01:16:58,651 --> 01:17:00,812 to see their favorite talk-show host. 1205 01:17:00,887 --> 01:17:02,752 Now they're showing their appreciation. 1206 01:17:02,822 --> 01:17:05,655 Let's try to get her over here. 1207 01:17:05,725 --> 01:17:08,785 You shouldn't have told him to leave! 1208 01:17:08,862 --> 01:17:11,592 - Who are you? - You shouldn't have told Sean to leave me. 1209 01:17:11,664 --> 01:17:13,359 Sean? 1210 01:17:13,433 --> 01:17:17,563 You destroy someone's life and you don't even remember? 1211 01:17:17,637 --> 01:17:21,573 Sure! Sean was the sober alcoholic and you wouldn't quit drinkin'. 1212 01:17:21,641 --> 01:17:23,802 All you know is his side. 1213 01:17:23,877 --> 01:17:28,211 We got drunk together for years and I took care of him. I took care of everything. 1214 01:17:28,281 --> 01:17:31,409 Then he sobers up and all of a sudden he wants to be in charge. 1215 01:17:31,484 --> 01:17:34,510 He was so different it scared me. 1216 01:17:34,587 --> 01:17:38,079 I was afraid I was gonna lose him so I got drunk a few times. 1217 01:17:38,158 --> 01:17:39,648 Like now. 1218 01:17:39,726 --> 01:17:42,126 But I was trying to get help when he left with the kids. 1219 01:17:42,195 --> 01:17:46,256 - Did he tell you that? - Lady, you got a problem, call her on the show. 1220 01:17:46,332 --> 01:17:49,699 - Let's go. - Just wait a minute! 1221 01:17:49,769 --> 01:17:52,567 He told me you didn't have kids. 1222 01:17:52,639 --> 01:17:56,097 You think everybody that calls is telling nothing but the truth? 1223 01:17:56,176 --> 01:18:00,374 I thought -- Well, sure! Why would they lie? 1224 01:18:00,447 --> 01:18:02,958 They're not talking to a friend on the phone, they're on the radio! 1225 01:18:02,982 --> 01:18:05,849 Of course they're not going to tell you the whole truth. 1226 01:18:05,919 --> 01:18:09,446 You tell them what to do and you don't even know what's going on with 'em. 1227 01:18:09,522 --> 01:18:12,980 Are you gonna go? Or do we have to move you? 1228 01:18:16,329 --> 01:18:18,991 I'm sober now. 1229 01:18:19,065 --> 01:18:24,196 And I am trying to get my family back together. 1230 01:18:24,270 --> 01:18:27,262 I just thought you should know, is all. 1231 01:18:27,340 --> 01:18:31,299 Great, well, thanks. Can you believe that? 1232 01:18:31,377 --> 01:18:35,143 These whiny little people thinking they can blame you for their pathetic lives? 1233 01:18:35,215 --> 01:18:38,343 What a loser! Geez. 1234 01:18:38,418 --> 01:18:40,443 Hey, lady? 1235 01:18:40,520 --> 01:18:42,988 - Come on, guys! - Look out, Mac. 1236 01:18:48,061 --> 01:18:50,996 Excuse us. 1237 01:19:00,139 --> 01:19:02,073 W-N-D-Y... 1238 01:19:02,141 --> 01:19:06,908 is proud to present Chicago's foremost radio psychologist... 1239 01:19:06,980 --> 01:19:09,608 Dr. Shirlee! 1240 01:19:09,682 --> 01:19:13,812 "This is Dr. Shirlee and I want to welcome our new listeners. 1241 01:19:13,887 --> 01:19:17,186 "I feel privileged to have you listenin' in and I hope you'll call... 1242 01:19:17,257 --> 01:19:19,418 "because without you... 1243 01:19:22,195 --> 01:19:24,823 without you --" 1244 01:19:49,989 --> 01:19:51,957 I'm sorry. 1245 01:19:52,025 --> 01:19:56,485 I can't do this. 1246 01:19:56,563 --> 01:19:59,930 I just can't! 1247 01:19:59,999 --> 01:20:02,126 I've been lying to you. 1248 01:20:02,201 --> 01:20:05,034 I'm not a doctor. 1249 01:20:05,104 --> 01:20:10,007 In fact, my last job was teachin' dancin' in a place called Flat River. 1250 01:20:10,076 --> 01:20:13,534 I've been lyin' to all you people. 1251 01:20:13,613 --> 01:20:17,947 I'm not qualified to give you advice. 1252 01:20:18,017 --> 01:20:20,542 Maybe nobody is. 1253 01:20:20,620 --> 01:20:25,023 After talkin' to you two or three minutes on the radio... 1254 01:20:25,091 --> 01:20:28,549 I'm givin' you advice based on the version of the truth... 1255 01:20:28,628 --> 01:20:32,029 that you want me and the listeners to hear. 1256 01:20:32,098 --> 01:20:33,895 Sean... 1257 01:20:33,967 --> 01:20:37,960 if you're out there, Lord knows I hope you're listenin'. 1258 01:20:38,037 --> 01:20:41,302 If you left your wife because I told you to... 1259 01:20:41,374 --> 01:20:44,434 well, you left for the wrong reasons. 1260 01:20:44,510 --> 01:20:49,345 Never let anybody tell you whether to stay or go... 1261 01:20:49,415 --> 01:20:51,508 whether to take this job or that job... 1262 01:20:51,584 --> 01:20:56,351 whether to put up with your mother or tell her off. 1263 01:20:56,422 --> 01:20:58,515 You know why? 1264 01:20:58,591 --> 01:21:02,755 Because it's your life. It's gotta be your decision. 1265 01:21:04,998 --> 01:21:09,128 Maybe what's right for somebody else, may not be right for you. 1266 01:21:11,204 --> 01:21:13,297 Sean... 1267 01:21:13,373 --> 01:21:15,466 Ann loves you. 1268 01:21:15,541 --> 01:21:19,307 Talk together. Work it out together. 1269 01:21:19,379 --> 01:21:21,370 You decide what to do. 1270 01:21:21,447 --> 01:21:24,644 Lord, I've never come up with a solution in my own life... 1271 01:21:24,717 --> 01:21:27,311 that wasn't worse than the problem I had in the first place... 1272 01:21:27,387 --> 01:21:30,447 so who in the hell am I to be tellin' you anything? 1273 01:21:30,523 --> 01:21:33,549 I can't do it anymore. 1274 01:21:33,626 --> 01:21:36,595 I'm done lyin' to you. 1275 01:21:36,663 --> 01:21:39,826 I thank you for listenin'. 1276 01:21:39,899 --> 01:21:42,231 This is Shirlee signing off. 1277 01:21:53,212 --> 01:21:56,739 I'm returnin' the car. It goes with the job. 1278 01:21:59,519 --> 01:22:02,488 Wherever you're going, you'll need a car. 1279 01:22:02,555 --> 01:22:05,854 Nobody needs a $60,000 car. 1280 01:22:05,925 --> 01:22:09,292 Anyway, I'm not really a Mercedes. 1281 01:22:09,362 --> 01:22:13,162 I'm just a plain old Pontiac. 1282 01:22:14,901 --> 01:22:17,131 Maybe a Chevy. 1283 01:22:32,351 --> 01:22:35,752 - So you haven't seen her? - No sign of her, sir. 1284 01:22:48,234 --> 01:22:50,202 Go ahead. You're on. 1285 01:22:50,269 --> 01:22:53,238 - Hi, this is Debbie from Glen Oaks. - Hi. 1286 01:22:53,306 --> 01:22:56,673 Maybe we could do something to show Shirlee we care about her. 1287 01:22:56,743 --> 01:22:58,677 And what would that be? 1288 01:22:58,745 --> 01:23:03,773 - She was always talking about honking your own horn. - Yeah. 1289 01:23:03,850 --> 01:23:08,344 Maybe we could honk our horns at, like, midnight. 1290 01:23:08,421 --> 01:23:11,083 Great! Great! 1291 01:23:11,157 --> 01:23:13,990 Honk your horns for Shirlee at midnight! 1292 01:23:14,060 --> 01:23:18,827 There's no flight anywhere near Flat River, Arkansas, tonight at all? 1293 01:23:20,700 --> 01:23:22,964 Okay, yes, sorry. Thanks. 1294 01:23:24,403 --> 01:23:27,429 Hey, I thought you got fired. 1295 01:23:27,507 --> 01:23:29,873 Close. I quit. 1296 01:23:29,942 --> 01:23:32,342 Just making a phone call. It was a toll-free number. 1297 01:24:10,850 --> 01:24:13,080 Don't jump! 1298 01:24:13,152 --> 01:24:16,849 - Don't jump. Don't jump! - Not again. 1299 01:24:16,923 --> 01:24:19,915 Law of averages, this time you'll kill me. 1300 01:24:19,992 --> 01:24:21,789 What are you doing here? 1301 01:24:21,861 --> 01:24:23,920 Wishin'. 1302 01:24:23,996 --> 01:24:25,759 Wishin' for what? 1303 01:24:27,934 --> 01:24:31,301 Wishin' I knew what to wish for now. 1304 01:24:31,370 --> 01:24:33,304 You were right. 1305 01:24:33,372 --> 01:24:37,536 I'm just a dance teacher with some cheap advice and easy answers. 1306 01:24:38,878 --> 01:24:41,346 No, I wasn't. 1307 01:24:41,414 --> 01:24:44,679 Not according to your listeners. 1308 01:24:44,750 --> 01:24:47,344 They've been calling since you walked off. 1309 01:24:47,420 --> 01:24:51,584 Talking about how much they love you, how you've helped them... 1310 01:24:51,657 --> 01:24:57,152 how the days and nights are easier thanks to Shirlee's laughter, Shirlee's wisdom. 1311 01:24:57,230 --> 01:24:59,198 It's you they need, Shirlee. 1312 01:24:59,265 --> 01:25:02,860 It doesn't matter if you're a dance teacher or trapeze artist. 1313 01:25:02,935 --> 01:25:06,268 It doesn't matter! It's you. 1314 01:25:06,339 --> 01:25:08,807 What about Sean? I could've wrecked his marriage! 1315 01:25:08,875 --> 01:25:12,003 Sean called right after you walked off. He was gonna leave her anyway. 1316 01:25:12,078 --> 01:25:14,069 He just wanted somebody to agree with him. 1317 01:25:14,146 --> 01:25:17,138 If it hadn't been you, it would've been someone else. 1318 01:25:17,216 --> 01:25:19,980 What's that? 1319 01:25:20,853 --> 01:25:22,912 Stay right here. 1320 01:25:24,557 --> 01:25:26,582 It's 12:00... 1321 01:25:26,659 --> 01:25:29,651 and if you're not honking your horn for Shirlee, you should be. 1322 01:25:29,729 --> 01:25:32,163 They're honkin' for me? 1323 01:25:32,231 --> 01:25:34,476 Perlman had this idea that everybody who cared about you... 1324 01:25:34,500 --> 01:25:36,695 should honk their horns at midnight. 1325 01:25:36,769 --> 01:25:40,296 Everybody who cares about me is honkin' their horn? 1326 01:25:40,373 --> 01:25:42,841 Everybody who loves you is honking their horn. 1327 01:25:45,711 --> 01:25:47,702 Shirlee... 1328 01:25:47,780 --> 01:25:51,614 what do you think about the idea of a fresh start? 1329 01:25:56,689 --> 01:25:58,919 I'm sorry, Jack. 1330 01:25:58,991 --> 01:26:02,984 I just don't have another fresh start left in me. 1331 01:26:23,849 --> 01:26:25,908 I'm sick of cornflakes. 1332 01:26:28,354 --> 01:26:30,754 Cornflakes? 1333 01:26:30,823 --> 01:26:34,589 I don't want to keep any more cookies in the cookie jar. 1334 01:26:48,808 --> 01:26:51,402 Release the woman! 1335 01:26:51,477 --> 01:26:54,105 Release the woman and place your hands on your head. 1336 01:26:54,180 --> 01:26:57,547 - What? - They think you're tryin' to murder me. 1337 01:26:57,616 --> 01:26:59,550 Hands on head! 1338 01:27:02,088 --> 01:27:05,922 - They think you're tryin' to push me off the bridge. - Very funny. 1339 01:27:05,992 --> 01:27:08,756 Hey, Dr. Shirlee. It's me, Phil, remember? 1340 01:27:08,828 --> 01:27:11,194 How's your daughter? 1341 01:27:11,263 --> 01:27:14,460 She's back in school and doing well thanks to you, Dr. Shirlee. 1342 01:27:14,533 --> 01:27:17,559 - It's just Shirlee now. - What? 1343 01:27:17,636 --> 01:27:20,605 I'm just Shirlee! 1344 01:27:29,882 --> 01:27:32,373 Gimme some straight talk straight talk 1345 01:27:32,451 --> 01:27:34,976 And hold the sugar please 1346 01:27:35,054 --> 01:27:38,922 Straight talk, straight talk sounds plenty sweet to me 1347 01:27:38,991 --> 01:27:43,257 Don't talk to me in circles in some mumbo-jumbojive 1348 01:27:43,329 --> 01:27:47,959 Gimme just straight talk and we're gonna be all right 1349 01:27:48,034 --> 01:27:51,629 - - Hello, Shirlee here. What can I do for you? 1350 01:27:51,704 --> 01:27:54,070 I feel women are more evolved than men. 1351 01:27:54,140 --> 01:27:56,074 Maybe the world is tougher for them. 1352 01:27:56,142 --> 01:27:58,235 But I know I'll be happier as a woman. 1353 01:27:58,310 --> 01:28:00,335 I'm already a female inside. 1354 01:28:00,413 --> 01:28:04,645 I want to be one on the outside too, so I'm getting the change. 1355 01:28:04,717 --> 01:28:08,619 I was wondering if you had any advice for me. 1356 01:28:08,687 --> 01:28:13,522 Gary, if you're sure that's what you really want, all I can say is... 1357 01:28:13,592 --> 01:28:16,561 don't try to perm your own hair... 1358 01:28:16,629 --> 01:28:19,792 and don't wear high heels on a soggy lawn. 1359 01:28:19,865 --> 01:28:22,857 Shirlee here. What's cooking? 1360 01:28:22,935 --> 01:28:25,665 Pick up the phone you're not alone 1361 01:28:25,738 --> 01:28:27,831 We've all got something to say 1362 01:28:27,907 --> 01:28:32,344 I is ten in and listen up we'll find a better way 1363 01:28:32,411 --> 01:28:37,212 With honesty and common sense it's really hard to miss 1364 01:28:37,283 --> 01:28:41,720 Straight talk, straight talk just tell it like it is 1365 01:28:41,787 --> 01:28:46,087 Straight talk, straight talk don't sugar-coat it please 1366 01:28:46,158 --> 01:28:50,322 Straight talk, straight talk sounds sweet enough to me 1367 01:28:50,396 --> 01:28:54,992 Don't talk to me in circles in some mumbo-jumbojive 1368 01:28:55,067 --> 01:29:02,769 Straight talk, straight talk and we're gonna be all right 1369 01:29:02,842 --> 01:29:06,778 Straight talk, straight talk makes plenty sense to me 1370 01:29:06,846 --> 01:29:11,215 Don't talk to me in circles in some mumbo-jumbojive 1371 01:29:11,283 --> 01:29:15,276 Give me just straight talk and we're gonna be all right 1372 01:29:15,354 --> 01:29:17,879 Give me just straight talk, straight talk 1373 01:29:17,957 --> 01:29:21,120 And we're gonna 1374 01:29:21,193 --> 01:29:30,431 Be all right 1375 01:29:34,273 --> 01:29:40,269 I can see the light of a clear blue morning 1376 01:29:40,346 --> 01:29:45,841 I can see the light of a brand-new... day 1377 01:29:45,918 --> 01:29:48,751 Yes I can see the light 1378 01:29:48,821 --> 01:29:52,655 Of a clear blue morning 1379 01:29:52,725 --> 01:29:55,455 Everything's gonna be all right 1380 01:29:55,528 --> 01:29:58,429 Everything's gonna be all right 1381 01:29:58,497 --> 01:30:00,863 Everything's gonna be all right 1382 01:30:00,933 --> 01:30:03,993 It's gonna be okay 1383 01:30:04,069 --> 01:30:06,799 'Cause I can see the light 1384 01:30:06,872 --> 01:30:10,330 Of a clear blue morning 1385 01:30:10,409 --> 01:30:15,813 I can see the light of a brand-new... day 1386 01:30:15,881 --> 01:30:22,684 I can see the light of a clear blue morning 1387 01:30:22,755 --> 01:30:26,623 Everything's gonna be gonna be okay